We Aren't Who We Used to Be
by YourRhineStoneEyes
Summary: 2D has been on Plastic Beach for too many years to count now, he had hoped Murdoc would keep his word and release him after the tour was over, but he was wrong. Now all he has left are tortourus thoughts and trying to figure out what went wrong between them and themselves. (Switches between 2D and Murdoc's POV)
1. Chapter 1

2D's P.O.V.

What exactly had possessed him to even for a single second believe it when Murdoc told him that once they were done touring that he could go back home. That he could go back to his little flat in London and forget all about Plastic Beach. Why did he believe that the half breed demon could ever keep a promise?

When he thought about it he really did deserve to be locked up in this room right now. This room far under water; this tiny room with its too small bed, items he hadn't seen since Kong, a door on the other side of the room leading into a small bathroom, beside the bed a round window outside of which waited a whale. He hated the whale, all whales for that matter; he hated Murdoc using something like that to torture him. 2D even remembered when he confided in the bass player that he feared those evil creatures, it was around the time Murdoc told him how deathly afraid of small spaces and planes he was. Secrets that should be kept in confidence between friends….Were they friends?

If they were they weren't now, they weren't anything.

Buzzing came from the corner near the door, the one that lead outside of this crap little room. He looked at the robot standing there; she looked like Noodle as much as she didn't. He wasn't sure anymore if their long lost guitarist was dead or alive, there were videos and rumors about her still being alive. He hoped that she was, he hoped she'd find him on this horrible place. At this point he wasn't too sure that he cared if Murdoc came along with them or not, at one time he would care….Did he still care?

It was thoughts like these that drove him insane. He felt like all life had been drained from him, he rarely smiled anymore unless he was stoned out of his mind. The problem with this place was that he ran out of his pills quite quickly, he hadn't needed them until he came to this island. He had actually been going a couple of years without drugs of any kind, until Murdoc started drugging him to keep him docile, to knock him out, or to just make him shut the hell up.

He remembered the day he woke up on Plastic Beach. Breaking out of that tiny suitcase, his head fuzzy, and eyes stinging as he squinted up at the sun. He had felt a chill go through him when he heard that old familiar scratchy voice he hadn't heard for years. It should have angered him or scared him hearing Murdoc's voice, especially when he could easily put together that Murdoc was the one who drugged him and stole him miles away from his home. Yet he hadn't felt afraid or angry, he had actually felt….It was like a strange sort of pleasure hearing his voice again, he hated himself for it. When he had seen him he felt more so….Shocked; he still looked like Murdoc, a bit older. A lot had changed though, he was paranoid more so than he used to be. He dedicated even more time to alcohol, he almost always had a pistol or a knife on him, his eyes both were this odd red type of brown they hadn't been before. His teeth were just rows of pointed fangs, rows like a shark, his nails were jagged and long, his ears were longer and pointed. He still looked like him, but at the same time he looked like some type of demon hybrid.

It's not like 2D was scared of him; the longer he stayed on Plastic Beach the less he feared him. Yes he fully realized that Murdoc could and probably even would kill him, without any guilt.

His eyes locked on the rifle that Cyborg held; it made him think of the first time since coming here he saw Murdoc kill somebody. It freaked him out as much as it hadn't, being around the older man caused one to be rather numb to violence of all kinds. The ones he killed were Black Clouds; 2D knew it was to defend the island, to defend themselves. It was just how cold his eyes were, how easy it was for him to put the barrel of the gun between that man's eyes and pull the trigger. Like it literally meant nothing to him, but Murdoc was crazy that was something that always kept true. It was one of his charms, a charm to 2D anyways; everybody else found it to be a disturbed flaw, but it drew the blue haired man in closer.

He hated this place, he hated the stupid robot, he hated Murdoc, and he hated himself. He felt himself losing everything he used to hold onto. He feared what he could turn into if he continued to stay here; he wondered if he would end up like Murdoc. End up a soulless half breed demon using people like pawns in some fucked up game.

2D picked the pill bottle up from the small cluttered night stand. He still had enough pills to knock himself out for the rest of the day, he could use it. When he slept, really slept that was when he dreamt it was years ago. He spilled the green tablets out onto the palm of his hand, placed them on his tongue, and swallowed them. He rubbed gently at his throat to make them go down all the way, he saluted the cyborg giving her the middle finger before laying down and jerking the thin purple blanket up over his head shielding him from this horrible plastic trash world.


	2. Chapter 2

In older times when 2D would take his pain killers, especially too many of them he could sleep for hours; even days if he took just the right amount along with a little something extra. Ever since he arrived at Plastic Beach he couldn't do that; there was always this alert paranoia within him keeping him from a real sleep with or without the drugs. So when he was pulled from his bed landing hard on the floor knocking the back of his head against the small night stand followed by something hard and plastic hitting him against his head a second later it woke him up quite quickly. He looked around through hazy eyes; first he picked up the item that had been thrown at him. It was a CD case with a picture of himself on the cover, his eyes were wide and white in color. The Fall; it was the album he had worked on in secret while they had been touring, up until now Murdoc didn't know a single thing about it. That's why the singer stalled counting to ten five times in his mind before he had the courage to look up at the man standing over him. Murdoc stood before him, towering over him; his dark red tinted eyes were glaring down at him from underneath shaggy black hair, his hands were balled into fists at his sides. 2D could see his sharp talon like fingernails pinching into his skin.

"Now would yew mind explaining this to me." Murdoc said his voice low, cold.

It made him feel uneasy; he preferred it when the green skinned man would yell, scream, or just beat him shitless. At least then he knew how to react, what to do, but when he acted like this he didn't know what to do other than be scared; very fucking scared.

"It's an album." He replied dryly.

He noticed the flicker of rage in those dark eyes, the slight curl of his lips as he snarled just the tiniest bit; giving 2D a decent enough look at the rows of razor sharp fangs that were hidden in his mouth. The singer tried to remain calm, dead on the inside as well as the outside. Everybody knew he was scared of Murdoc, but that was the thing; he wasn't scared of him.

"I know that it's an album, now would yew mind telling me how yew could release something under my band's title without my permission." His voice stayed steady, nearly a whisper even though his eyes were on fire.

A part of him wanted to fall into old habits, habits that died along with Kong. Part of him wanted to pull his legs up against himself and start rambling out a pathetic apology; why be sorry? He hoped that Murdoc would beat him up.

"I worked on it while we were on tour; yew were so fucking smashed that yew never noticed me working on it. When I sent it to the label they seemed happy to hear some good music; unlike the trash yew send in."

That was it; that was all that it took. First his eyes widened, he bared his teeth, and a second later the toe of a boot was connecting with 2D's chin knocking his head back against the night stand again, harder this time. The younger man bit the inside of his mouth to keep from groaning or making any pained sounds; he sat still as the older man kicked him repeatedly until he was left breathless. He almost looked frustrated if not a tiny bit ashamed as he looked at the singer, especially since he hadn't earned the reaction he had wanted.

"Would yew like to tell me wot the fuck yew are thinking with that song 'Joplin Spider'?"

2D smiled, grinned at hearing the song title. Anybody with half a brain, even somebody like 2D would hear that song and know its meaning; know it was somebody witnessing a murder.

When Murdoc noticed the sick grin on the younger man's face he smacked him across the face as hard as he could. 2D chuckled a bit and shook his head allowing a few locks of hair to fall over his face.

"Wot; I t'ink if yew can make an album full of codes and suicidal love letters I t'ink I can make an album telling people wot I've seen here."

Another swift kick to the stomach, it always hurt less when he expected it.

"Shut yer fucking mouth; I'm really sick of this new….Attitude of yers."

2D met the older man's eyes, holding him almost challenging him.

"Yew mean how I'm acting like yew?"

There it was; that look, the look that he had seen a lot of times since coming to Plastic Beach. It was always fleeting, not obvious unless you knew it and the owner of that look well. It was this moment when his eyes weren't as crazed, where he looked…..He almost looked ashamed, ashamed of himself and all of these things he has done. This moment where the muscles in his face relaxed, his body relaxed, and slumped almost like he could cry if he were anybody else in the world. Barely three seconds later it was gone and replaced by anger.

"Yer being too much of a smart arse for yer own fucking health dullard." He warned pointing a finger at the younger man.

It wasn't like he could fully argue that; there were moments when 2D would say or do something that he never would have done in a million years.

"I look at it like this; yew fucking promised me that yew would let me go, but then tell me that yew have no plan to…So wot do I have to live for or give a damn about anymore?"

Murdoc averted his eyes; there wasn't any expression on his face now, it was like he couldn't decide how to feel. He waited to be beaten up more, but instead the older man muttered some things under his breath as he turned and left the room with Cyborg right behind him.

2D sat there for a moment then pulled himself to his feet; he sat down on the bed, and opened up the CD case. He removed the disc and put it inside of the CD player next to his bed. He sat back closing his eyes as he listened to the songs play; he remembered when he was younger and things with the band were okay. He used to want to write happier music, but every now and again he would still throw in a track like New Genius or El Manana. Those songs were little stabs at Murdoc; songs that made the older man shift uncomfortably every time they were brought up or played on stage. That was why 2D made The Fall; he wasn't even sure what sort of an album it was supposed to be. Some of the songs he had done after nights of drinking and crying, nights where he felt like he was going insane because of that damned cyborg's glowing eyes watching him nearly every second.

The songs were sad; there wasn't much in the way of happy or up lifting. They all sounded like they came from someone who had nothing left to live for. Somebody waiting to be rescued, to feel alive again, but in reality they knew it would never happen…He knew he would never feel the way that he used to feel; even if Noodle and Russel came to the island, rescued him from this hell he knew that nothing would ever be the same again. The part about the songs that made him cringe inwardly was that a lot of it was aimed towards Murdoc in a twisted way; not just spite because of the way he had desecrated 2D, but spite because he could still to this day feel love towards him. He had always loved Murdoc; he never said in which way, because there was no real….Way; he used to say it all the time during interviews, it always bugged the hell out of the bass player. A normal person wouldn't feel love at this point, not any kind of love.

How can one care about or love somebody who does this to them?

Someone who locks them in a room, drugs them, beats them, and takes everything away from them?

Stockholm Syndrome; he'd always been told he had it, he hadn't known what it meant until he asked Noodle one day a long time ago. He hadn't understood why people thought he had it until he came to this place, because he noticed how he was taking in the poison. Murdoc was poisonous; 2D was taking it all in, he spent most of his time in this horrible depressive state, he felt hateful and angry, and agitated. He had actually beaten Murdoc up during one of their interviews; he had never done that, the thing that stunned him about it though was that the bassist didn't fight him back. He didn't break every bone in 2D's body, instead he held him down being careful not to hurt him, drugged him, and pet his hair whispering things to him as he passed out. It confused him; everything confused him out here.

They used to have rules….Rules to themselves and to this thing between them. They were friends, they were lovers who never touched or expressed feeling, they were enemies who needed each other or they would lose it completely, and they were brothers who were bound by their scars and the things making them freaks to the rest of the world.

Out here…..Nothing made sense here; he had tried asking questions, but it nearly always ended with Murdoc beating him up then locking him in his underwater prison again.

2D didn't know how much more of it he could take; he wanted out, he didn't want back home….He had no home; he had a crap little flat, no friends, and a career that lost its excitement five months after it had started. He refused to call this floating landfill his home, but it held something familiar to him….Even though what was once familiar now felt like a complete stranger, one he was scared of, and one that left him feeling confused about everything.

He slipped into a painful restless sleep; it wouldn't last long, because he knew in an hour or so Murdoc would want to talk to him again. He didn't know about what, but once the older man started drinking he usually felt like talking or more so yelling at the singer. So for now he allowed himself horrible sleep that was plagued by conflict and shit memories.


	3. Chapter 3

It took longer than he expected it would for the Cyborg to come down to 2D's room and take him up to the studio room at gun point. The first few times the robot had pointed a gun at him it had been scary, but after a couple of years here he had grown accustomed to it. This island was Murdoc's deranged little world, his own country where he got whatever he wanted. He was the king here and whatever he said was what happened, sometimes 2D really did want to know why he was even still here. Murdoc hated him; he used to say it all of the time that and that he could have killed the singer easily, but needed him for his voice. It made him wonder just why he was still here or why he was still breathing at all, maybe the demon needed company. The thought of that was nearly funny though, as far as 2D saw it Murdoc's insanity was company enough.

The Cyborg shoved the singer into the studio room; he stumbled and nearly fell on his face. He couldn't complain too much about being inside of the room, it was the only one that he liked. Even if it was littered with trash and reeked of alcohol.

There was a large dark wooden chair on the other side of the room, Murdoc sat on the chair with his legs draped over the arm of it. As usual there was a cigarette hanging out of the corner of his mouth and a nearly empty bottle of booze in his left hand. His eyes eventually met 2D's; for a second it was like he didn't even know why the singer was there even though he was the one who sent for him. He removed the cigarette from his mouth dropping it to the pink carpeted floor and stubbing it out with his shoe. He made his way over to the younger man, the closer he got to the blue haired man the angrier he looked. It was like he had just been drinking and pissing himself off going over all of the things in this universe that he hated and in the end it all came back to 2D. Came back to how 2D had somehow ruined his life, turned him into a raging drunk who was barely even a human anymore.

The silence in the room was disturbing; it made him want to scream. When Murdoc was only standing about two inches away from him that just made him want to punch the older man, he wanted to break the silence; make some sort of smart ass comment, but he knew how to play this. He knew to keep his mouth shut and to wait.

"Yer an ungrateful little bastard, yew know that?"

2D didn't know how to respond for a moment, but soon broke down laughing sickly at the statement. Ungrateful, he was fucking ungrateful for what?

"Me, I'm ungrateful; yew just dragged me up here to tell me some bull shit like that?" The younger man spat back feeling annoyed by this situation, the entire situation.

"Yes yew are, how dare yew make an album like that. An album yew made behind my back, without my permission; I own yew, have yew forgotten that?"

"I'm a human; I'm not some idiotic piece of junk that yew created!" 2D screamed back, he balled his fists by his sides.

"If it wasn't for me yew would be nothing yew worthless little prick. I take damn good care of yew out here."

"Yew take care of me; when have yew ever taken care of me, especially 'good' care?"

"Always; I got yew out of yer coma, I made yew who yew are right now."

He could punch him, right in the mouth, and then run for it.

"Yew hit me with yer car, yew abuse me, and who the hell am I right now? Don't yew fucking see wot yew made me, yew fucking wrecked me yew sick fuck!"

Murdoc hit him hard across the face. It was almost like being a dog, when he did something that didn't please his owner it generally earned him a good hit or two. Sometimes he felt like he wasn't his own person, he really was this pathetic creature that Murdoc had created, that he owned. He didn't want to be owned anymore, he never wanted to be owned by somebody. When he had been younger he never minded following the older man around like some bullying big brother, never minded sticking up for him in the middle of a pub fight or getting into trouble for him. Even the times where he would hate him or try to hate him he would still let the older man walk all over him, just because he loved the attention. Now though he didn't know what was going on; they almost constantly fought, there were pauses in it sometimes out here where they could just talk like old times, but those times were long gone….This wasn't back then, this was different.

"Don't talk to me like that, yew act like I don't have any damn feelings."

2D laughed again, the sound of his own laughter sounded crazy.

"Feelings involve having morals; morals involve a soul and a living heart. Yew don't have any of that and wotever dumb bitch yew wrote those love songs for I feel real bad for her being with a sick heartless bastard like yew. Yew don't know wot love is." He said his voice soft, nearly emotionless. He was just stating the facts as far as he could see them.

He saw that familiar shift in those red eyes, the one that still confused him. That fleeting heart broken look was the one that made him want to take back what he had just said, to hug him, and tell him that he didn't mean it. He did mean it though, he was right by what he said; how could somebody so gone and so unstable feel love for another living being?

"I don't know why yew keep me out here. Yew used me for wot yew needed, I know yew don't need any damn company; yew should just kill me like yew do everybody else."

Rage masked the bassist's face; he pulled out the pistol he always kept in a holster at his side. He pointed the gun at the taller man's face; now a normal person would be scared, they would drop to the ground, or beg for their lives. 2D didn't feel any of that; he just stood there staring blankly into the older man's eyes trying to read the revolving door of emotions going through those eyes of his. Those damned eyes that were those of a demon's but so full of human life, right now he looked like a scared child. 2D stepped forward, he stopped moving when the barrel of the gun was pressed firmly against his forehead; he grabbed Murdoc's wrist tightly steadying his shaking hand. He stared into the older man's eyes challenging him; he could tell that Murdoc wanted to be dead on the inside, completely fucking dead. He could tell that he wanted to be numb enough to do this or keep the threat going until maybe just maybe the singer would back down, but in those ruby eyes 2D could only see the scared little boy. The one he had thought died years ago, maybe even before he had met the bassist.

"Do it, just fucking do it. I don't want to be here anymore." He whispered harshly as he continued to stare down the older man.

Fear, he looked so afraid right now that 2D almost wanted to console him. He almost wanted to break this challenge and hold him, God he looked like he might even cry in a moment…

'I love you, because I'm sick in the fucking head' 2D thought to himself as he continued looking into those eyes, he could almost ignore the gun pressed against his temple.

Murdoc jerked the gun away; he took a step back away from the other man. In another second he was pistol whipping 2D knocking him down to the floor. He felt too exhausted to really move, his cheek felt like it was on fire from the impact of the gun hitting his face. He felt a heavy weight on top of him, fingers tangled in his hair nails digging into his scalp. His head was yanked back roughly, he met the demon's eyes; there was so much madness in those eyes, so much fear. He didn't really feel it when Murdoc began to punch and scratch at him; he was so accustomed to this. So accustomed to all of this, what he wasn't accustomed to was when the hits stopped and the older man's face was hovering just above his. This strange moment where those eyes were blank, he could feel the older man's hot breath against his face, and the weight of that body on top of him felt intensified almost unbearable.

Murdoc kissed him roughly; the action was so unexpected that 2D felt his body tense, his eyes widened, and his first reaction was to place his hands against the older man's chest and try to push him away. He kept kissing him though, biting hard at his bottom lip, his free hand went up under 2D's shirt almost like if he went at this long enough then maybe the younger man would react in a positive way. He wasn't sure why he was denying it; denying that he liked this, that he needed this. Especially when the realization hit him that he hadn't had sex since coming to this Hell hole, but logically he knew this was wrong. He hated this man, this man hated him, and just two minutes ago there had been a gun pressed against his head by the same man who was now kissing him. Maybe he was smart enough to not really want this.

The bassist pulled back his eyes widening slightly like he just realized what he was doing.

"I'm sorry" He whispered hoarsely as he began to back away, before he could get up 2D pulled him back down.

He had a hand on the back of the older man's neck holding him in place; his other hand went to Murdoc's cheek.

"Don't" 2D muttered before leaning up and kissing him just as roughly as Murdoc had been kissing him seconds before.

This wasn't right….This wasn't right and they both knew it, oh they both knew it so fucking well. They weren't meant to be doing this, were either of them even gay? Hell what were they in any shape or form? They were just things in the middle of a world that just barely existed, what was happening right now was going to happen at some point.

A loud moan was ripped from him when those sharp teeth bit into the side of his neck, claws bit into his right side, and his body was pulled up against Murdoc's. He could feel the older man's clothed erection rubbing against him, there was a hand grabbing his crotch rubbing hard. This wasn't right, but it was inevitable.

Just like the fighting.

2D grabbed a fist full of Murdoc's hair pulling his head back; he smirked up at the older man. He watched as the Satanist pulled a switch blade from his pocket, he used the blade to cut the singer's shirt from the collar to the bottom hem.

"Bastard" 2D muttered, Murdoc pressed his hand against his chest pinning him down against the floor.

He began kissing him passionately, the older man's long tongue snaked its way inside of the singer's mouth. He felt disgusted with himself, but that didn't stop him from moaning as Murdoc ground himself against him, moaning as those jagged nails dug into his back leaving behind welts and tiny droplets of blood. His disgust didn't stop him from crying out Murdoc's name, it didn't stop him from begging him to go harder, and to just fuck him.

This was just like fighting. This was just like hatred. This was years of build up.

Murdoc jerked 2D's jeans off of him tossing them across the room, he bit at the younger man's lower stomach. His hands travelled up his inner thighs spreading his legs, his long tongue swept along his skin. The hot wet feeling made him groan, he locked eyes with the demon; God those eyes were driving him insane, he felt like he was being worshiped and desecrated all at the same time.

"Fu-fuck"

Murdoc's mouth was on his cock, sucking hard. His tongue was wrapping around him like a snake, he was squeezing tightly enough to drive him insane. Enough to make him forget where he was or why he wanted to die; he felt light headed, his heart was racing, and there was a tight heat building up in his stomach.

"Fuck me" His voice came out low and hoarse, barely like his own.

The older man sat back and smirked down at him, he won the bastard knew that he won this. Murdoc unzipped his pants pulling his cock from its confines; he pulled 2D's body closer. 2D wrapped his legs around the older man's waist; he bit down on his lower lip knowing how badly this was going to hurt. He closed his eyes tightly suppressing the cry of pain as the older man shoved inside of him without warning.

A new form of fighting.

The older man's tongue ran along the side of his neck, fingers combed through his hair as Murdoc continued thrusting into him his pace going from hard and fast to slow, but only for a second. Only long enough for the pain to dissolve into a strange form of pleasure, but the moment 2D let out a weak little moan it was back to hard. It was back to violent and in the sickest way he enjoyed it; he enjoyed the burning pain that was falling way to a burning pleasure. Murdoc's lips were on his, they kissed desperately like the world was dying all around them. As soon as it had all started it was over; he could feel the older man coming inside of him. Murdoc pulled out and stood up, he tucked himself back inside of his pants, zipped up, and began walking away. He paused near the elevator door long enough to look 2D over with a look of disgust.

"Clean yerself up and get back to yer fucking room."

With that he was gone and 2D was left all alone. He was frustrated, angry, confused, and repulsed by what had just happened. Now that it was over he could only hate himself more than he had an hour ago, why did he let this happen?


	4. Chapter 4

Murdoc's P.O.V.

The green skinned demon sat in his study room, his feet were resting upon the large desk and per usual there was a bottle of alcohol held loosely in one hand. He stare out the large window on the other side of the room, just watching the endless outside world. It was in that moment he realized he hadn't seen, spoken to, or even fed 2D since their little encounter. He mumbled a few curses under his breath as he placed his feet back on the floor, turned around, and pressed a little red button that activated the intercom located in the singer's underwater room.

"'Ey faceach, yew still 'live down t'ere?"

There was silence for a bit, Hell maybe he starved to death. That or he was just completely ignoring the older man.

"Oi fucking answer me ya li-"

"I'm fine, no t'anks to yew….Prick" The last part was whispered but it was still loud enough for Murdoc to hear.

He gritted his teeth at the smart attitude the blue haired man seemed to acquire since the band's retirement. Murdoc didn't have the slightest clue where he learned to act in such a way, to think he was as good as if not better than Murdoc, but in a strange way it kind of turned him on.

"Look 'ere yew little punk if yew don't calm t'at attitude of yers I'll make sure ya just starve to death."

Laughter came from the other end; he did that a lot would laugh in disbelief.

"Are yew really serious, I 'aven't had anything to eat for about a few days now. Not like I give a toss anyways; not like I mind dying or anything like that."

Murdoc rolled his eyes at the statement. He was truly getting tired of the singer's death obsession; he just seemed real vacant and like he honestly wanted to die. It bothered him just as much as it got on his nerves; he wondered if it was something he could just beat out of him….Or shag out of him….Why in hell was he thinking about having sex with him again?

"If I send Cyborg down with something for yew to eat then will ya stop bitching?"

Silence followed by more silence; fine if he didn't want to reply then Murdoc wasn't going to waste his time on him.

He was trying to remember why exactly he was keeping him out here in the first place….It was obvious; well obvious in two parts, both of which drove him completely mental. The first part was the simple one that he just needed 2D to sing for the new album and help out with other things musically, but then after that it just got all weird and complicated….it had always been weird and complicated, that was their relationship. There were times he felt like the twerps big brother or some sort of messed up mentor, especially back in the beginning when the idiot mistook two near death experiences for Murdoc saving his life. It always got on his nerves that somebody could be that dull, but he had to give that he really enjoyed having somebody worship him like that. Allow him to bully them instead of him being the one bullied for once in his life, of course he had taken advantage of it. He had always appreciated the younger man musically as well as physically….Who didn't though, he was fucking stunning!

He never thought anything gay about finding a pretty boy like 2D attractive; the occasional too long glance wasn't too odd to him either. Of course he just told himself that, especially when they were in Jamaica and it happened far too much to be considered casual. Once Demon Days started to happen was about the time the little brat started to learn some bit of an attitude. Not a lot though, it was pretty easy to break him back down to size. Though Murdoc did find it amusing to watch him act like a right prick during their interviews, act like some Iggy Pop knock off during their live shows, and all that. He enjoyed seeing the younger man try and be like him….Like he was rebelling but impressing him at the same time. That was when feeling like a big brother or mentor turned into feeling like a bad role model, a crap friend, and a lover but without all of the sex and the exchange of 'I love you'.

They had never had a normal black and white relationship. It was never just one thing; 2D would tell Murdoc he loved him then usually hug the bassist, in turn he would beat the crap out of 2D for dare touching him. He would let 2D sleep in his bed sometimes back at Kong, but if he touched him or dared tell a soul about it he would break every bone in his awkwardly tall body. That was how it had gone; of course until the whole incident with Noodle nearly dying followed by the very angry groups of people hunting Murdoc down….He wasn't sure if he was grateful or regretful that they were going after Noodle more so than himself, at least it kept the Black Clouds off of his back….Besides she was handling herself just fine.

He kind of missed everybody being together; maybe if they were all together again then 2D would stop acting weird. When it was all of them in their demented little family unit then things like what was happening now wouldn't happen. Their singer wouldn't be locked in a room starving to death, Murdoc wouldn't have sold most of his humanity, he wouldn't beat 2D until the younger man could hardly breathe, and they most definitely would never had fucked.

He wanted to not think about it, but he couldn't. He couldn't even place why it had happened in the first place. He just thought about how cold and daring 2D had been acting when Murdoc had that gun pointed at him, had he actually wanted to be shot between the eyes? There was no way in Hell; he remembered how the singer used to be…Far from that; he used to be happy and dumb as could be. Now he just seemed really clouded in the head, couldn't remember a lot of what he tried to say, he was frustrated, angry, and above all horribly depressed. Of course Murdoc chose to see and take these things into consideration, but the sake of keeping to his life long program of butchering his own emotions he chose to ignore these things. These warning signs telling him that something bad would surely happen soon.

That was one reason to come out to the middle of nowhere and be by himself; he wanted to forget about 2D and about himself mildly questioning his sexuality. The weirder he had felt towards the singer the more homophobic he started to act minus the occasional slips whether while talking or in fact slips where he would come on to other men….

Sadly being alone in the middle of nowhere, on an island that wreaked of gasoline didn't help his mental state too much. The alcohol, the Boogieman trying to kill him because he owed hell his soul and his life at this point; maybe if they hadn't let him know that the longer you went without payment the more like a demon you became. Not like he would ever sprout wings or horns or look like some horrible monster, even though on the inside he felt like one. He would remain the way he was plus an agonizingly slow aging process, but other than that he couldn't really die of natural or unnatural causes….As far as he knew of course and of course as far as 2D and anybody who has heard him ramble on the radio knew he was completely out of his fucking mind. Though he felt the younger man knew something was off….Of course there was, he looked different.

Maybe if he hadn't brought 2D out here he'd be alright. He could have just bullied some other scrawny little bastard into singing for his band, it'd been better than torturing himself. He knew he would never be a real demon, but he sure as hell wanted to lack emotions like a real one. He wanted his heart to freeze over, to just be dead on the inside…The entire album described all of it, he wondered if 2D understood at all that it was for him…Who else would it be for?

Right the dumb bitch that didn't exist, that did make sense….As far as he'd seen most people didn't even believe he was the one who wrote the songs. They seemed too raw, depressing, and love sick for somebody like….Him. Everybody but himself seemed to catch onto the program that he wanted to be anything but human. He had been doing good until he wrote that album, he was fine for awhile until they started recording it and he had to watch 2D sing those damned songs, and he had been decent enough until they had sex the other day. Every time he was going back to normal in his mind, reworking to kill himself on the inside everything just went straight to shit all over again. He was tired of this.

A normal person would just admit to themselves that maybe they were gay and that was alright. A normal person would also never sell their soul or solve their life problems by drinking copious amounts of rum every day of their lives….He wasn't too sure what else one was supposed to do with immortality or a lacking of sanity.

He leaned back in his chair closing his eyes, he thought back over what had happened between them. It really hadn't been too bad….Fuck that, it had been incredible; he'd wondered what it'd be like to have sex with 2D and he finally knew….He was still a bit amazed that the younger man consented, more than that….That part of him he wanted to just go the hell away had wanted to finish the singer off, listen to those sweet moans he would make while he orgasmed….That would have showed he cared though and he didn't want that. Right now he could just brush off the incident and say it only happened because of all the time he'd gone without a proper shag. He wondered just how long he could go pretending they had a reasonable relationship that made perfect sense. Murdoc knew himself well enough to know he could live five lifetimes over in complete denial.


	5. Chapter 5

2D's P.O.V.

When the robot had given him something to eat his first reaction was to throw the plate at her damn head. He didn't want to eat; he was actually enjoying the pain in his stomach from the starvation. He was enjoying the throbbing in the back of his head from the headache that had been harassing him for half an hour now. Every second spent on this island he felt more and more depressive, more disconnected from life….He wanted to fully blame the island, but he couldn't; he had been a bit more miserable before all of this went down. For awhile there he had grown used to the habits that happened in this horrible place, but lately he didn't know what was going on…He knew that he couldn't stop thinking about the fact he had finally had sex with Murdoc, it wasn't a thing that shocked him….Like it didn't shock him that it happened at all, but that it just finally happened. He wondered if the demon always knew this day would come, that this mess would hit step one of rock bottom….

He had this feeling that Murdoc would probably leave him down in this cell forever, he had the option to literally forget about 2D after what had happened between them.

2D wished he could forget about it, forget that he had enjoyed it, and that if it wasn't for him pulling Murdoc back against him then nothing would have happened. He was actually willing to give up, to just leave, but 2D had kept him there…He had wanted to feel him, taste him, and know what all of those sick little fantasies would feel like in a cold reality.

The door to his room swung open; Murdoc made his way into the room closing and locking the door behind him. 2D eyed the older man cautiously; he didn't see any anger on his face….Actually if he hadn't gone completely mad he was pretty sure the glint in those dark eyes hinted towards something completely differently. Murdoc smirked as he looked at the singer; he continued slowly making his way over to the bed. 2D was pressed back against the wall, as far away as he could get; it wasn't like he really wanted to go away. He just felt too much shame in admitting he wanted nothing more than to have Murdoc inside of him again.

The older man climbed onto the bed, he sat before 2D on his knees. His demonic eyes roamed over the singer's body like a bird hunting its prey. He pulled something out of the back pocket of his jeans holding it up in front of the other man; a pair of metal handcuffs. It had been so long since 2D had properly had sex that he honestly couldn't figure out what the Satanist had them for.

"W-wot are t'ose for?" He asked his voice soft and dumb.

He wanted to be dumb, to play dumb because he didn't want to admit to either of them that he liked the idea of where this was going.

Instead of an automatic reply Murdoc gripped firmly to the blue haired man's hips pulling his body down onto the bed. He leaned over 2D dangling the handcuffs over his face so he could get a really good look at them; it took a lot of restraint to not just wrap his legs around the other man's back. He could feel his heart race and his breathing quickened.

"Wot do ya t'ink they're for dullard?"

He could smell the liquor on his breath; of course Murdoc would have to be drunk to have sex with 2D. Why on Earth would he for even a split second think that this homophobic fuck would want him without being under the influence of something. Maybe he really was still naïve if he could think the demon wanted him, actually wanted him. Yet he'd spent nearly ten years being this man's puppet, willingly going along with every terrible scheme….He still wanted to go along especially when it came to this.

He didn't resist or tense when Murdoc kissed him, this time he kissed him just as hungrily, passionately. He tangled his fingers in greasy hair while he still could; he wrapped his left leg around the older man's back pulling his body down on top of him. Murdoc took no time in removing the singer's shirt then working his way to his pants. His long tongue trailed over the younger man's body as he undressed him, occasionally biting into soft flesh, if this was anybody else it could be so fucking beautiful.

2D didn't resist or speak when the Satanist handcuffed his hands behind his back. He only kept his eyes locked on his; he kind of liked the animalistic way Murdoc was looking at him. Like he fucking knew just how much he owned him. His mouth connected with the singer's neck, his sharp teeth sunk into the skin breaking it. 2D couldn't help but moan and jerk against his restraints. He felt a hand between his thighs, nails scratching against his skin as that hand made its way to his groin.

"Yew like how I touch yew?" The older man whispered his voice heavy with lust.

The blue haired man nodded and whimpered in response.

Soon they were kissing again, he didn't even try to find feeling in it….This wasn't love, this wasn't caring….He loved the way Murdoc was treating him right now, not because he liked how roughly he was being handled but he just liked the older man was doing this…..Doing this to him, he wanted him for something other than his fucking voice. Some days he wondered if he just destroyed his vocal chords if Murdoc would still keep him around.

"Ready?"

This was the part that hurt like Hell, but he wanted it….Needed it.

"Y-yeah" He managed out his voice weak.

His head was throbbing, spinning, and his body felt like it was being torn in half when Murdoc shoved inside of him. God it fucking hurt, but he didn't let him know that. He bit into his bottom lip to keep from crying, Murdoc must have known that he was hurting him; he began lightly kissing and running his tongue along 2D's neck. His hands rubbed gently against his legs like he wanted to sooth him, make him relax without telling him so…Maybe it was something more than a 'I haven't been fucked for two or more years now' kind of a thing. Maybe this was something different, complicated like everything else that they shared….It sounded so lame to think that way, but it made the pain go away and made the pleasure come back.

He wrapped his legs around the older man's back pulling him in deeper. He tossed his head back against the bed crying out the Satanist's name. Claws scratched down his sides, Murdoc thrust into him harder with each passing second. 2D liked the feeling of his hot breath against the side of his neck, the sound of his muttered curses, and the smell of whiskey on his breath. He could feel himself getting closer and for a moment hoped that Murdoc would help him get off.

He whined and moaned, bucking against the older man giving him everything he could with his hands bound behind his back. Murdoc bit into his neck hard as he came inside of him, he flicked his tongue over the bruises and bites. He pulled out, got up from the bed, zipped himself up, and just like the last time made his way towards the door.

"Are yew kidding me?" 2D asked his voice nearly shocked as he stared wide eyed at the bass player.

Murdoc turned towards him and smirked.

"Wot?" He asked almost innocently.

"Yer gonna leave me fucking handcuffed?"

Murdoc shrugged, looked down at the floor for a bit then back at the man still lying naked on the bed.

"Why not, I'll have Cyborg come down and let yew out."

"Yew fucking piece of shit, y-yer not even a good shag anyways."

The older man raised an eyebrow at that.

"Right and that's why yew still got a raging hard on, please I can tell when somebody is faking it." He said smiling, taking pride in his own status.

2D couldn't help but blush, he felt degraded, and disgusted by…By everything about this.

"Fuck yew Murdoc"

Normally the Satanist wouldn't care about hearing that, everybody told him that at least once. This time though it pissed him off. He made his way back to the bed; he threw 2D onto the floor and began kicking him in the side, stomach, and back. He tried to hide his face against the floor, but the toe of the older man's boot connected with his mouth. He was pretty sure he just lost another tooth to that kick; he could taste the blood in his mouth.

"One of these days dullard…"

"Wot, gonna kill me? Yew already 'ad the chance to do t'at and yew fucking chickened out on me. I wish I was dead!" He yelled as he glared up at the Satanist.

Another hard kick to the stomach; hard enough to make him start coughing and hacking.

Not another word; this time Murdoc turned his back on the blue haired man and left the room.

Love….One sided, abusive, trashy, fucking love….What in God's fucking name was wrong with him that he was in love with a man who could do that, do this to him? 2D buried his face in the carpet and began to cry, his body hurt with each heavy sob. He was losing his mind or had he done that long ago?

God he couldn't do this anymore…


	6. Chapter 6

2D's P.O.V.

"I am getting so fucking fed up with this little attitude of yers." Murdoc said pointing his finger at the singer.

It was almost like an adult chastising a child; did he forget that the 'child' was the same one who had taken him to the hospital when he over dosed on speed years ago, the same 'child' who sat in the bathroom with him while he puked his guts out after a night of drinking?

"It's not a bloody attitude, I'm depressed; aren't I allowed to feel like crap?"

Murdoc smacked him hard across the face, his sharp nails cut into his flesh. It burned in the way a scratch from a cat would, like there was poison in this talons of his.

"Yew aren't depressed, yer too god damn stupid to know wot that word even means."

2D gritted his teeth, he was tired of fighting. They had spent nearly an hour just screaming at each other; maybe 2D had been the one to start it this time. He had made the mistake of telling Murdoc that he just wanted to kill himself, once those words had left his mouth everything had gone quiet until the bass player decided to ignore it and turn it into one big fight.

"Don't tell me 'ow I am or 'ow dumb I am, I'm smarter than yew. At least I tried to get a life an' I didn't put my friends in trouble. If it wasn't for me yew would be living in some crap flat sucking off old blokes for spare change."

Murdoc kicked him hard in the stomach knocking him onto the floor. He pounced on the younger man wrapping his hands tightly around his throat as he began strangling him.

"Yew wanna just die so fucking badly, I'll gladly help yew; yew ungrateful little twit."

He struggled underneath the weight of the older man, after about two failed attempts he managed to punch him right in the face hard enough to knock him off. 2D scrambled to his feet; he kept his hand balled into a fist knowing that Murdoc would go at him again. The Satanist stood up; the look on his face was one of pure rage. He charged at the other man, instead of grabbing him by the throat he grabbed a fist full of his blue hair and pulled hard violently jerking 2D's head back. If he had pulled any harder he possibly could have snapped his neck.

"Don't fuck with me dullard; yew aren't smart enough to be depressed an' I sure as hell know yew don't have the balls to try anything dumb like offing yerself."

It was almost like being challenged; everything came down to a challenge between the two of them. He waited to be punched or kicked, but instead he was shoved away; Murdoc glared at him in disgust before calling Cyborg to take him down to his cell.

2D had never wanted to die, had never hurt himself, or wanted to commit suicide….But this place it changed you, it was like all life had been drained from him. Murdoc had done a quality job of breaking him down; he was so busy in his own little universe that he never noticed other people. He never noticed if somebody was depressed, he didn't fucking care….Maybe he did, maybe he didn't know how to show that he cared or to express it….2D knew all of that, but it was the old times, the old Murdoc; the one who wasn't partially demonic. The one who could commit a murder without a care, the one who could be so damn cold about every little thing…..Cold, he wanted cold?

Cyborg kicked 2D inside of the room; she closed and locked the door behind them. The singer stood in the middle of his crap little bedroom….His prison cell; he looked around at the boxes against the walls that still had clothes and notebooks in them, the keyboard on the floor, and a pile of CDs and bottles of pills on the small night stand. It was sort of like being in a zoo; they tried to make it look like the animal's habitat, but in the end it was still some trash room that would never be a real home. He turned and looked towards the robot, she stood soldier straight with her rifle in her hands.

"Gonna follow me?"

No response, of course not.

He walked into the too small bathroom; he went to the bath tub which took up most of the room. He began running the water making it as cold as he could get it, which wasn't too difficult since like most things on Plastic Beach the heating and cooling systems were off. He glanced over his shoulder to see the robot in the doorway staring at him, waiting to see what he was going to do. He was just going to take a bath, a bath with a razorblade and a bath with all of his clothes still on….God was he really going to do this?

He actually tried to make himself cry, he tried until his head throbbed and he felt like a moron for trying. It felt like he should cry that feeling was there but nothing was going to come out. His throat and stomach were still sore from Murdoc's attack….He wondered what the demon's reaction will be, wondered if he'll even give a toss.

It would be lame to say that Murdoc was the only reason he was going to do this. He was a huge part of this and hell when 2D really thought about it; if it wasn't for Murdoc running him over all those years ago then this wouldn't be happening right now.

He went over to the medicine cabinet and grabbed out the small box of disposable razorblades, he took one out and went back to the tub. He noticed that the Cyborg tightened her grip on the gun almost like she expected 2D to attack her with the tiny object.

"Don't flatter yerself." He mumbled.

He glanced at the razor then the tub….It wasn't like he wanted to do this….God he didn't want to, but what fucking choice did he have? When he stopped and thought about this situation, about the abuse, and how he was probably going to be trapped here until he died anyways….Thought about the way Murdoc beat him, looked at him, talked to him, and fucked him like he was a cheap hooker….He couldn't do this, he couldn't stand the half breed demon that brought him here, he couldn't stand the robot that looked like a demonic version of his long lost friend, and he couldn't live with the fact that he was desperately in love with a man who….A man who could do all of this to him….Yet he still couldn't cry….He felt so dead, so empty, and….

He climbed into the tub letting out little gasp as his muscles tensed in response to the ice cold feeling. His body was going between wanting to jump back out or to shake uncontrollably. He bit into his lower lip as he lightly traced the razor along the underside of his left wrist.

Just cut….Don't think about it…Just….Just….

He looked over at the robot; its cold eyes were still on him….A silent witness who had no feeling about the scene playing out before it.

"Go upstairs an' t-tell yer damn master that I-I'm leaving fo-for good." He stuttered out before stabbing the blade into his skin.

To his surprise the robot actually turned and left the room closing the bathroom door behind her.

He slashed repeatedly at both wrists until blood was running over his pale skin and seeping into the once clear bath water. He leaned back making his body relax, one last breath before he forced himself beneath the ice cold depths of the water.

'I love you, but what are we doing to do?'


	7. Chapter 7

Murdoc's P.O.V.

Idiot, they were both complete idiots if he looked at it from the correct angle. He couldn't stop himself from thinking about their confrontation earlier, the one that had started with a simple slip of the tongue. Murdoc wasn't so self obsessed that he hadn't the slightest clue that 2D was depressed, he would zone out in interviews and casually mumble about wanting to die. Murdoc heard these things, saw every fucking sign of depression, but that didn't mean he would show it. He wasn't the person who….He wasn't raised to care, to coddle, or to show somebody love and concern. Anytime he put 2D and love into the same thought or sentence he could feel himself tense, not from disgust, but something else….Something else that he had only been brave enough to talk about through the songs he had written.

He didn't like knowing 2D was depressed, wasn't it bad enough that he was going to live forever? 2D wasn't going to live forever, he would grow old and die if he was lucky enough for that….Murdoc would have to watch, he would have to watch people involved in his life age and eventually die. He wouldn't though, not for a very long time unless a demon ever caught him off guard or he himself just tired of the running and hiding…..That part of him, that part that he despised so much; that part of him that….Lov-

The door to the study opened, Cyborg marched into the room. She stopped a foot or two away from Murdoc and just stared up at him for a second.

"The prisoner told me to inform you that he is leaving."

Murdoc looked at the robot in confusion; leaving, what in Hell's name did that mean?

"Wot are yew talking about?"

"He is committing suicide."

The words came out so factual and in such a monotone voice that he almost missed them. They almost lacked a meaning, lacked a personal meaning until he repeated to himself several times his voice coming out a low barely audible whisper.

"Wot are yew doing up here, yew worthless fucking machine." He yelled as he bolted up from his chair and out of the room.

He didn't even care if the damned machine was following him. 2D and suicide didn't even belong on the same planet let alone in the same statement. Signs, a million signs had pointed in this direction…Maybe he wasn't really going to go through with it, she had said that he was going to….That meant maybe he wasn't, maybe the little brat changed his mind, and he would just be lying on his bed staring off like some idiot….What if he wasn't?

Everything seemed to move agonizingly slowly. It seemed like an eternity until the lift would even start, it seemed a lifetime before it reached the floor where 2D's room was, and it seemed even longer until he reached the room. He could feel his heart seize up when he went into the room to see the singer was nowhere in sight.

"Where is he?"

"In the bathroom master."

Murdoc almost expected for the bathroom door to be locked but was the tiniest bit relieved that it wasn't. When he walked into the room he noticed the pale arm hanging over the side of the tub, blood dripping onto the floor. His body moved on its own accord; he rushed to the tub reaching in grabbing the singer up in his arms then laying him down on the cold tile floor. His eyes were closed; both wrists looked like he had gone to Hell on them with a razor or a knife.

"S-stop the bleeding….Fucking take care of him!" Murdoc yelled not even looking in the direction of the robot.

He heard a clicking sound and looked to see the robot pointing a pistol at the singer's head. Murdoc smacked the Cyborg hard across the face.

"Put that away, get t'at damned thing away from 'is face….Ju-just do wot I asked and stop his wrists from bleeding."

Could he even remember the last time he had been this scared?

He placed his hands on the singer's chest and began pumping against his chest.

"C'mon don't….Don't do this to me, don't fucking do this to me yew little dullard."

He placed his mouth over his doing his best to breathe air into the younger man's lungs. His fingers stroked through his soaking wet hair, cold….He was so fucking cold, just like the bassist's heart supposedly was.

"Please don't die, c'mon….I think I love yew."

He looked to see that Cyrborg had managed to wrap up 2D's wrists, good. He went back to frantically pushing against the younger man's chest and trying every trick he knew to revive somebody.

Was this is fault?

What kind of a fucking question was that, he knew this was his fault. The kid had said he wanted to die, he couldn't take any of this…This, nobody in their right mind would want to live this way. Murdoc just couldn't stand the idea of losing him, losing the only person in the world who had dealt with his bull shit for this long, and the only person he wanted.

2D opened his eyes, his body jerked a bit. He began coughing and choking violently, spitting water onto the white tiled floor. His body shook from the cold and from shock. Murdoc continued petting his hair, studying his face, and making sure he was really alright. Once his coughing fit was over his black eyes met the older man's face. He looked confused for a moment like he couldn't recall why he was wet or why they were sitting on the bathroom floor.

"It's okay….It's okay…" Murdoc repeated as he allowed himself to lightly brush his fingers against 2D's cheek.

He thought about the times when the singer would get mental blocks and begin hitting his fist against his head mumbling about being confused and frustrated. How close to tears he would look, he would always whisper to him that it was okay. This was like that, except he was saying it for himself more than the younger man.

"Wo-wot happened?" He asked his voice hoarse.

"Yew did something painfully stupid, yer a'right now t'ough. Do yew t'ink that yew could stand up?"

2D looked away and shrugged; Murdoc stood to his feet and extended his hand to the younger man. He gratefully took hold of the older man's hand and unsteadily got to his feet stumbling and falling against the bass player. Murdoc wrapped an arm around his waist holding him up; he guided him into the bedroom and sat him down on the bed.

"I need to get yew out of these before ya get a cold or something….Satan, yew even kept yer damn shoes on."

The younger man remained quiet as Murdoc undressed him. He could feel those black eyes on him though, watching him carefully; probably questioning just why he was being so gentle. Why he was dancing around the topic of what had just happened, why his normally steady hands were shaking slightly.

Once he had him down to his underwear Murdoc went over to one of the cardboard boxes that littered the room and grabbed out a shirt and a pair of sweat pants, he tossed them at the singer and told him to get dressed. 2D merely nodded then did as he was told, this time he didn't look at Murdoc.

There was never any class or book that taught one how to handle this type of situation. He remembered his childhood and how many times as a small boy he'd turn up at school with blackened eyes and broken bones, but even though all of the adults knew what had happened they acted dumb to the truth. There was no way to handle these situations so people avoided them, glanced over them. It was wrong and he always knew that, but he also wasn't the man you went to if you wanted to talk about something very serious and very saddening.

He went back to the bed side; 2D had his hands folded on his lap, his eyes locked on the dirty floor.

"How do yew feel, I mean like…Does anything hurt?"

"My wrists an' my throat 'urt, but I t'ink my throat jus' 'urts from where yew strangled me earlier."

Murdoc inwardly flinched at that, it wasn't until now he actually noticed how many bruises were scattered along 2D's face, neck, and arms. He knew even more lay underneath his clothing, honestly why would somebody live in this situation willingly?

"Do yew want yer pain meds?"

2D nodded in reply. Murdoc grabbed one of the orange bottles off of the night stand, luckily enough there were only two pills left inside of the bottle. He poured them out and handed them to the younger man, after a moment's hesitation 2D took the offered drugs and took them swallowing them easily.

"Yew should lie down."

The younger man lay down on the bed pulling the covers over himself, he stared ahead at the wall. If he was looking at Murdoc at all he couldn't tell.

The Satanist looked over to Cyborg who stood watching them with blank uncaring eyes. She still held the pistol in her hand, ready to shoot if Murdoc ordered her to. For once the sight of her and the idea of that gun made him physically ill.

"Get out of 'ere."

"What do you want me to do master?"

"I don't really give two shits wot yew do, just sod off."

"What about the prisoner?"

He flinched at the word.

"Get out!"

The robot saluted him before marching out of the room.

2D laughed dryly, he turned his head and looked up at the older man.

"Pr-prisoner that's all t'at I am here…O-or maybe yew prefer captive, whore, or victim." He said his voice coming out weak and bitter.

"2D…"

"Don't, just don't; get out of 'ere a'right?"

"No way, I'm not leaving yew alone especially after yew go and do something like that."

"I'm not gonna try it again."

"I still wanna keep an eye on yew for the night anyways; I need to look at yer wrists actually….Take real care of them so they don't get infected."

He reached underneath the bed grabbing out the first aid kit. 2D extended his arm allowing Murdoc to take off the hastily wrapped gauze from earlier. There were a lot of cuts; some of them were deep and others were shallow, it looked like once he had started he just couldn't stop. Like this wasn't a planned act that would be neat or polite, but something that was a long time coming. Something that came from mounting years of stress and angst, it was done out of a desperate passion to escape. He could only think about how he had caused this, this was his indirect work…..Just like that stupid album The Fall had been, something he had caused without even realizing it. He noticed how as far as he could recall 2D had never done anything because of him without it being full of pain and sadness.

He did his best to be gentle while coating the cuts with disinfectant, but the singer still winced and whimpered in pain.

"Sorry"

"Mu'doc, are yew mad at me?"

Murdoc finished wrapping up his wrist before deciding to answer. He tried to meet his eyes, but it hurt a lot.

"No of course not, yew scared the fucking hell out of me."

"I didn't mean to, I didn't actually think yew would care."

He began cleaning 2D's other wrist, doing his best to be gentle.

"Why wouldn't I care?"

Horrible question, idiotic question; 2D noticed because he laughed that sad desperate laugh of his. Murdoc remembered the days when he used to laugh, a real sane one….Happy, he used to be happy. Now they were here; Murdoc bandaging up his slit up wrists from a failed suicide attempt.

"I'm not any use to yew anymore, yew don't 'ave to act like yew wanna do this."

"I'm not acting, yew know I don't normally admit to being scared. I'll say it though; yew scared the fucking 'ell out of me, I honestly thought that I had lost yew." He said finally meeting 2D's eyes just to let him know how much he meant this.

'I think I love you, I've torn you down to this, and I think I love you.'

Murdoc bandaged up his wrist then put the first aid kit back under the bed. It was a wonder it still had anything inside of it, seemed like it was constantly being used.

"Maybe I should just go, I'll check on yew tomorrow."

"Yew don't 'ave to go, I kinda want yew to stay….Y-yew could er…..Could lay do-down with me; I won't touch yew or anything like that. I know yew 'ate that, but I kind of don't really wanna be alone. Not tonight."

Murdoc crawled onto the bed and lay down on his back; he wrapped an arm loosely around the singer's shoulders his fingers lightly caressing his arm. 2D tested the gesture, he slowly moved closer until his body was pressed against Murdoc's side and his head was resting against his chest. Normally he knew he would beat him senseless for this, but all he could think was that he had nearly died. He had nearly fucking died just because of this ignorant game played between the two of them, none of this was right. He closed his eyes and let out a shaky breath. A memory hit him from years ago; it was the one from the day 2D had gotten the call that his father had died. He had locked himself in his room, not talking to anybody. Nobody even knew what was going on until Murdoc had gone in initially to curse him out until he had seen the blue haired man sobbing.

He had sat with him that entire day, listening to him talk, watching him cry, and even falling asleep in the same bed with him. Nobody knew about that, it was personal, and it was human. This was like that, except this time Murdoc almost felt like he could be the one crying. It took this to realize just how horrible their relationship was, but the thing was in the cold light of morning he could put this behind him and deny tonight's events. That was how it always worked, maybe 2D knew that and that was why he was taking advantage of the closeness….Of this raw human moment, they were both taking advantage of it.

He glanced down at the sleeping man; he brushed his fingers through his still damp hair.

'I think I love you, I hate us both for that.'


	8. Chapter 8

How does one handle the day after their suicide attempt? This was one of the times when 2D wished he was somewhere else, somewhere far away from this dreadful island. At least at Kong he would have been able to easily avoid Murdoc, but out here…out here he had no options, he had no freedom; that was why he wanted to die, but that was another thing he didn't get to choose. He spent most of the morning after just sitting on his bed staring off, after nearly two hours of that he began to focus on the bandages wrapped around his wrists. He tore them off and looked over the healing wounds; he couldn't even count the criss crossing marks along his too pale skin. He wasn't supposed to live with these; he wasn't even supposed to live. What right did Murdoc have to control him to this extent?

He began to rub at the cuts, rubbing turned into scratching. The wounds re-opened and bled nothing like they had last night. He knew he could try again, but this time he could do it correctly; nobody could stop him. Yet something prevented him from it, when he thought about last night he didn't just remember the suicide attempt. He remembered how Murdoc looked on the verge of tears, remembered the bass player petting him, tending to his wounds, and then laying there with him…He had seemed lost and scared, it was that look and manor that made him wonder if the older man wasn't a soulless creature. It reminded him that he loved him, even past the abuse….He still couldn't help but hate himself for his feelings, for loving somebody like that who went back and forth….

2D scratched harder at the wounds on his left wrist, they burned. He stopped and got up from his bed making his way to the door that led out of his room. He wasn't sure what made him do it, but he tried opening the door; to his surprise it actually opened. Murdoc must have forgotten to lock it which seemed to happen more often lately. Most likely it was just a slip in the middle aged alcoholic's mind; nearly everything about his mind seemed to be slipping. People assumed that 2D knew everything about Murdoc, but lately he knew just as much as everybody else; possibly a lot less.

He knew the dangers in leaving his room; he regretted it all the way to the lift and all the way to the floor that would lead him to the sort of living room. He kind of liked the living room; it was a very large room with very little cluttering it unlike the other rooms. Just like everything else on Plastic Beach it was painted wall to floor in horrible pinks and oranges, large windows exposed a semi-beautiful ocean and a bright blue sky. A world that 2D felt he would never get to live in again, at least he had gotten the chance to enjoy it just a little bit on tour…Even if most of that had been spent watching after Murdoc in his drunken psychotic stupors. The main thing that 2D liked about this room other than the view of the world was the fact it had the largest TV.

The singer made his way to the large white sofa ready to watch hours of mindless television that out here he enjoyed more than he did back at home. He stopped and felt the urge to turn and run when he spotted Murdoc laid out on the couch. He didn't really seem to notice 2D for a bit; he was just staring out the window with a cigarette hanging out of the corner of his mouth, his eyes glazed like he was in another world, as usual he was shirtless, no shoes, and a bottle of nearly empty whiskey in his right hand. 2D shifted uncomfortably wondering whether to speak or to turn and run while he had the chance. His body still hurt from all of yesterdays events, he knew it could go two ways if Murdoc acknowledged him; either he would kick the shit out of the younger man or they would talk about what had happened.

"Yew gonna just stand t'ere all bloody day or sit?" Murdoc asked sounding irritated, his dark eyes locked on the singer.

"I-I er….Uh…Y-yeah okay."

He felt stupid, but nonetheless he did as the older man asked and sat down keeping as far away from him as he could. He kept himself tightly against the arm of the couch, he could still feel those hunter's eyes on him.

"For the love of Satan could yew act any weirder?"

"Um.."

The older man placed his feet on the floor; he scooted closer to the singer. He grabbed both of 2D's wrists roughly pulling them in his direction.

"Wot the fuck did yew do to yerself?"

"No-nothing"

"Nothing, it looks like yew scratched the Hell out of yerself. Yer gonna end up getting an infection, I don't want to drag yer scrawny arse to mainland just for some medications."

The singer pulled his wrists away.

"Forget about it, ma-maybe if yew 'ad just let me do wot I wanted then….This wouldn' 'ave happened if yew had just let me die yew know. I don' wanna be….Dammit." He hit the palm of his hand against his forehead groaning in frustration.

Why did his brain have to freeze up right now?

Murdoc took hold of his right wrist, but his grasp was gentle this time. 2D couldn't look at him; he felt embarrassed, ashamed, and he couldn't stop thinking about how scared the older man had seemed last night. He had tried to stay calm, collected, but he had been trembling and acting different than usual.

He felt Murdoc's fingers rubbing over the raw still sore skin.

"Why'd yew do it?" The demon asked his voice was quiet almost nervous.

"I don't know" The blue haired man responded as he continued staring down at the floor.

"Tell me, nobody just does that for no damn reason."

"Tell me why yew didn' let me die."

"Wot?"

"Yew don't need me anymore, yew used me for recording, touring, and even fucking. Wot else do yew need me for, just let me go….I don't…..I don't miss my life I had before here, it was terrible. Kinda worse than this, bu-but…I just….Yew don't own me."

He felt the Satanist's fingers combing through his hair.

"There are so many reasons; yew'll never know….Just promise yew won't do this again."

2D didn't respond, they both knew that he couldn't promise that.

"Trust me when I tell yew that…." He trailed off.

"Tell me wot?" The younger man asked risking a glance in the green skinned man's direction.

"Nothing"

Just like that his body language went stiff, his face went cold, and he got up quickly exiting the room. 2D sat for a moment just staring at where Murdoc had been sitting just a little while ago. He sighed heavily then lay down on the couch; he watched the world outside for awhile as his mind slowly dragged place to place. He wasn't sure what was doing on anymore, what he wanted to do. A part of him still felt like dying, but he feared that if he died it would drive Murdoc over that mental edge completely. He knew he shouldn't care about somebody who pushed him this far, who made his life a complete hell physically and emotionally. Yet he couldn't help himself; it was in his nature to hope that maybe Murdoc wasn't a completely terrible person. Maybe he would break down and begin acting human….He didn't know, a part of him hoped that maybe some day the demon would love him…That last one just seemed like a joke.


	9. Chapter 9

There were times for 2D where he could be in a crowded room and feel all alone. He hated those times, because those were the times where when people looked at him he felt their looks held disgust. When they didn't look at him he felt they looked right through him, like he was nothing to them. Like he was nothing to the world around him, but he would feign a smile. If he couldn't manage that for the public or for his mates then he would take pills, enough to make him loopy. When one is loopy they can behave quite happily, but he always had a feeling that Murdoc knew. He saw through the forced grins and could tell idiot normal happy from medicated happy, but of course Murdoc was a man who knew misery well. Except he had never tried to hide his the same way that 2D hid his. He hid his through rage, drugs, sex with countless strangers, and rude sarcastic remarks.

2D's suicide attempt had been nearly a week ago now. He hadn't left the cuts alone, every chance that he got he would scratch at them. He wasn't sure what he wanted in life anymore, what he wanted with it. Suppose he just wanted to not be alone, perhaps he was just sick of being out here on this floating plastic island surrounded by nothing. Murdoc rarely talked to him lately, he would stare at him for a bit then rush out of the room, and when he was extremely drunk he would have fits which would leave 2D lying on the floor wanting to die. He didn't even know why Murdoc was hitting him anymore, it was just an old habit he supposed…Old habits die hard, they always do.

Right now the singer was risking it by sitting in the studio room. He wasn't really sure why he was in there other than his door had been left unlocked for the sixth time this week and he just enjoyed these bits of rebellious freedom. He knew damned well that he could escape; he could get out of here. He could call for help, he could take one of the boats down by the shore and leave here before Murdoc could sober up enough to notice. Cyborg was having some very bad fits when it came to her glitches so she was always in her cupboard except for the instances where the demon needed her to protect this 'precious' island.

"Wot are yew doin' 'ere?"

2D ignored the question; he just continued to stare out the window. He heard the older man stumble and bump into something followed by the sound of objects falling to the ground.

"Hey don' fucking ignore me like t'at when I'm talking to yew."

A hand roughly grabbed him by the shoulder turning him around. He looked down at the older man who was obviously drunk, beyond drunk; when wasn't he drunk?

"Fucking queer, wot are yew doin' up 'ere?"

"The door was unlocked, ya don't lock it much anymore yew moronic junkie." The younger man spat out angrily.

Murdoc slammed the palm of his hand against the center of 2D's chest; he shoved him back against the glass.

"Don't talk to me like t'at, I deserve respect."

"Yew deserve to have yer arse kicked or for t'at damn Boogieman to just kill ya already."

He noticed the shift from regular rage to something much more violent. Murdoc punched him in the face then the stomach causing the taller man to drop to his knees. A hard blow came to the back of his head forcing a cry of pain from the singer as he fell over. His head was throbbing and the muscles in his stomach were beginning to cramp. The pain only worsened when the bassist began kicking him in the stomach, he pulled his legs up against himself hoping to stop the constant hard kicks. Instead Murdoc began to kick at his back, legs, and ass.

"Stop it!" The singer yelled out his voice cracking from the pain filling him.

"No, t'is is wot yew fucking get. Yew don't fucking say that to me, yew don't fucking treat me like this, and yew sure as hell don't make me feel things."

2D reached out grabbing hold of the older man's ankle; he pulled as hard as he could. Thankfully due to the Satanist's drunken state it didn't take too much to knock him off balance and knock him onto his ass. The blue haired man moved as quickly as he could, he crawled on top of Murdoc straddling his waist. He began punching the older man; his face, chest, stomach, anywhere that he could get to. He hated him, he fucking hated him, and he fucking hated himself. Why was he in love with somebody who made him so god damn miserable, who ruined nearly every aspect of his life? Then the bastard thought he had the right to tell 2D that he was being ungrateful?

He let out a choked sob, he began crying; his hits became softer and less enraged. A moment later they stopped all together, he slumped forward. His hands were resting against the older man's chest; he kept his head lowered as he quietly cried. He expected at any moment to be thrown to the ground and beaten even more, instead he felt fingers going through his hair pushing it away from his face. Those same fingers caressed his cheek; Murdoc used his thumb to wipe at the tears streaking the singer's cheek.

"It's a'right, it'll be a'right luv."

2D shook his head in response.

"N-no it's not…This isn't, I'm sure as Hell….None of this…Thi-this isn't fucking right. I don't even know wot's going on anymore…I'm really scared Mu'doc." He even sounded frightened.

He felt so unsure of what was going on anymore, of who he was, of who Murdoc was, and what the future held. He feared where he could end up, he feared everything that life held for him; all he wanted was to sink into nothing. Yet he felt a bit stable as long as the older man kept touching him this way, this comforting way that he hadn't felt since he nearly died. He wondered if this meant Murdoc was scared too, strange that a demon could be scared.

"2D look at me"

He ignored him, he didn't want to; he knew the bassist would make fun of him for crying.

"Stuart look at me, c'mon mate."

He slowly lifted his head allowing his eyes to meet Murdoc's. There was blood on his lower lip and a bruise on his right cheek from where 2D had punched him; he smiled softly while his eyes were filled with concern. Not a regular type of concern, but this kind like he was trying to pry inside of 2D's mind so he could find out just exactly what was going on in there.

"Don't cry, I won't….Just don't cry, please."

"Why didn't yew just let me die?"

"I can't let yew go, that's why."

He leaned up kissing the younger man gently. It wasn't like the way that they normally kissed; normally it was something rough almost like a battle of dominance….This felt more like something that lovers shared and God knew they were nowhere close to that. Lovers was such a normal platonic word, they were anything but normal and platonic. This was something special, special to them; even if 2D was the only one to feel love in this kiss he didn't mind it. He just needed this moment to last as long as it could.

"Do yew need me?" 2D whispered his lips just an inch or two away from the older man's.

"I've always needed yew dullard."

He tangled his fingers in 2D's hair; he kissed him again giving a small bite to his lower lip. This was them; they spent so much time hating one another and themselves for that matter, but in the end they needed each other. One was like darkness and the other was light, they infected each other, and without the other they were utterly fucked.


	10. Chapter 10

Murdoc's P.O.V.

They ended up lying on the floor for what seemed like hours, 2D with his head resting upon the bassist's chest. He eventually fell asleep, Murdoc considered carrying him back down to his room, but decided against it. Instead he picked the singer up carrying him into his own bedroom; he shoved the items covering his bed onto the floor and lay the blue haired man down. He lay down next to him making sure to keep his distance; if he wasn't hitting him he really didn't feel comfortable touching him. Half the time he wasn't completely sure as to why he hit him other than it had become a second nature. Kissing him on the other hand was new and it freaked him out. It wasn't like Murdoc had ever been good at relationships in the first place; most women he had honestly tried dating tended to feel hatred towards him within a month of the relationship. He would purposefully drive them insane; he never treated them the way that his father used to treat women, but he did his own forms of torture. Sometimes he would cheat; he'd insult them, or screw with their feelings until they couldn't handle it anymore. If he couldn't have a stable relationship with a woman he wasn't exactly sure how he could have one with a male, especially a male. He used to gay bash in public just so people wouldn't know that to some degree he questioned his own sexuality, it seemed to get worse with age. A relationship with a male seemed impossible, a relationship with 2D seemed…..There wasn't a word for it, not even impossible defined it.

2D wrapped an arm around the older man's waist and curled up against him his head resting on his chest. He was fully asleep, fully asleep and his first instinct was to curl up to the nearest body even if it was the body of the man who constantly beat him up. Maybe he really should have just left the damned kid alone; maybe he shouldn't have made him join the band to begin with or maybe he shouldn't have kidnapped him. Murdoc hesitated a moment before he wrapped his arm around the blue haired man's shoulders. Cuddling, kissing, coddling, and all of it; he wasn't raised up on these things. He wasn't raised to comfort or to be comforted and once he had neared his teenage years he was quite okay with all of this, but now he felt like he had to. He felt like he had to do these things, because somewhere inside of himself he actually wanted to do them even if it scared the hell out of him. In the most messed up way humanly possible he believed he really was beginning to honestly love 2D, not like he had any plans to say it or to really act on it. Yeah they would have sex, but even when they were fucking it was a lot like when they were fighting. There was more violence than intimacy, that's why he could just glance over it and think of it as nothing. What they had just done in the other room though was different, he didn't like it. He didn't like what it could mean; he really should have just left 2D in England. They went from being messed up to full blown fucked up.

He always had this sick little way of keeping the younger man to himself. This was just another way of doing that, taking him to an island in the middle of nowhere for years. It came to him naturally to torment the younger man, torment somebody who reminded him of how pathetically weak and naïve he had been when he was a child. Some days it aggravated him that every day he had to be around somebody so dull and childish, other days he would just hate him in a strange form of jealousy. He couldn't understand why 2D had gotten the simple life that didn't leave you horribly traumatized, he didn't understand that no matter how much he hurt him physically even nearly killing him on several occasions the eyeless man always came back, never seemed depressed or really angry at all.

That was then though and this was now. Hell even before he kidnapped 2D he noticed that he seemed different. It's not like he had stalked him or anything, he just watched him for about a week trying to figure out his habits before he could successfully knock him out. Honestly if he had been stalking 2D he would have ended up dreadfully bored barely two weeks in, that and horribly depressed which he already had enough of for himself. The blue haired man mostly had spent his time sleeping or watching television in that incredibly small flat of his. Murdoc had seen that 2D was doing well for himself, the moment he left Kong he had dabbled in acting as well as modeling. Sometimes he would see the singer leave for one of those two jobs, but he never appeared happy. It wasn't his normal dull expression like his mind was somewhere else, he just genuinely looked as if he was bored….Like the life he was living was draining him leaving behind nothing except for a depressed looking shell. So there was a possibility, well Murdoc liked to think that there was a possibility that 2D's depression wasn't entirely his fault. It was just something that was there, came along with the lanky, eyeless, blue haired package.

2D moaned softly in his sleep, he attempted to move closer to the older man. He had a confused look on his face as he dug his fingers into the fabric of the demon's shirt. Murdoc pet the younger man's head wondering if touching him might calm him down a bit, plus he just liked having a reason to touch him. This wasn't how things were supposed to go…

In Murdoc's perfect world, his perfect plan he was supposed to just run off to the middle of nowhere. To an island with no human life; no black market pirates would be coming after him looking to either take his head as payment or any money they could find on his corpse. There would be no demons seeking a long over due payment also known as his immortal soul. Last of all there would be no blue haired dullards making him question his damned sexuality and making him wonder if he still had any human emotions left inside of himself. At first living on Plastic Beach was decent enough, as decent as a painted landfill can be. Money ran out, a few issues with the law the times he would go back to mainland, and things began to go to shit. It mostly started when he started to think about old times; wonder if Noodle was alive, realize how that was completely his fault if the young girl was truly dead. He began thinking about his general life fuck ups and eventually he started thinking about 2D and how he possibly screwed the singer's life up more than anybody else's.

When those types of thoughts and regret like feelings began to plague him he hoped to snuff them out with alcohol and drugs. He wasn't too sure anymore what in Hell's name made him think that would work, but at the time it seemed like a good enough of an idea. He would be so out of his mind he couldn't remember a damned thing the following morning, but he would find pages littered across his bedroom floor with words, lyrics scribbled on them. The words were always sad, well except for the ones that did sound like somebody on a massive drug trip had written them, but most of them were somber. He would have loved to have said the randomized words and lines came from nothing and nowhere, but he had known better. The words haunted him about as badly as the Boogieman was; he quit doing drugs in part to keep himself alert of all dangers around him. Most likely his mistake in all of this was that he didn't rip up the pages, forget the words and the feelings behind them ever existed.

Nope he couldn't do that; he was a man who enjoyed torturing, when you're the only one around then you're pretty low on victim options. He made sure that he completed every song while completely sober; he wanted to feel every ounce of pain and hidden emotion. Some of the songs he had cried over, others made him pull at his hair and scream in frustration. The man sleeping by his side had not a damned clue how painful every lyric was and just how much worse it had been for Murdoc to hear those words…To hear 2D singing them, in the end he hurt himself just as much as he hurt the singer, his singer.

How bad would it be if he did confess he felt…Anything, felt anything at all for 2D. He couldn't really imagine it, he didn't want to; he knew himself, he knew he would screw the relationship up the first chance that he'd get. He couldn't say whether or not he would beat him still or not, but he didn't want to risk it.

A demonic immortal man in love with somebody he always claimed to hate. The same somebody who attempted suicide because of the depression that all started courtesy of Murdoc, also the same moron who was now curled up against his side holding onto him. Really what was their relationship?

They hated each other, they fought, they fucked, and now they were here. He would like it better if 2D could honestly say that he hated him, never wanted to look at him again, but from the looks of things that was never going to happen. Patterns would just keep going on repeat every single day; nothing was ever going to be plain and simple. Murdoc wished that things would be plain and simple, black and white. Nothing was ever black and white.

Murdoc turned so he was lying on his side; he wrapped his arms around the younger man holding him closely. He really did want to love him, want to be good enough to be with him, but that would never happen.


	11. Chapter 11

2D's P.O.V.

When he woke up he felt mildly confused. He was pretty sure he had fallen asleep on the floor, yet now he was on a bed, and this wasn't his bedroom. It was Murdoc's bedroom; he looked down to see a green skinned hand on his stomach. He couldn't figure out how he had gotten here, most obviously Murdoc had carried him here, but why? There was a rule that 2D was never supposed to go into the Satanist's bedroom unless given permission which was never. Yet here he was in Murdoc's bed with the older man sleeping behind him. It was too weird, just like everything around here was too weird. The blue haired man got out of bed as quietly as he could, the moment his feet touched the ground a hand grabbed hold of his wrist.

"Where are ya going?" Murdoc asked his voice tired.

"Er I'm gonna go back to my room, since I don' know why I'm in here an' I know yew don' like me in 'ere."

The older man gave a light tug at his wrist.

"Don't be an idiot; I carried yew in 'ere after yew fell asleep. Not like I care if ya stay, but yew can if yew want to."

2D sighed; he lay back down on the bed but kept a few inches of space between himself and the older man. Murdoc was still holding onto his wrist, his thumb rubbing over the fading scratches and cuts.

"Tell me why yew actually did it." The Satanist whispered.

"I've been depressed, lonely, an' I also sort of did it cause of yew." 2D said, he didn't want to even say the last part but it was true.

The bassist nodded like he understood, he continued to look at the younger man's injured wrist his fingers still lightly tracing over the marks. He lifted 2D's wrist up to his lips placing a gentle kiss against it.

"I'm sorry"

2D ran his fingers through Murdoc's hair; the other man rested his head against the singer's chest.

"I'm the one who tried to kill myself; I shouldn't 'ave done it."

He thought over what had happened earlier; how badly Murdoc had been beating on him, how he had hit the older man, and how they had ended up kissing. Now they were here laying on Murdoc's bed, like nothing bad ever happened between them. For a moment he could imagine they were two totally sane individuals who got along all the time.

"I really wish yew wouldn't scratch at yer cuts, gonna end up with an infection. They already look like complete hell."

"I can't help it."

"Just remind me to bandage them up again and don' take the bandages off this time, alright?"

2D nodded, it was really just becoming a natural habit to scratch at the wounds. When he was nervous, frustrated, or depressed he would re-open them like that would solve everything somehow. It only ended with his wrists throbbing and bleeding, but it was a hard habit to quit. Sort of like staying away from Murdoc; by all rationality he knew he shouldn't be anywhere near the Satanist and yet he wanted to be, he felt more miserable away from him. He kind of enjoyed laying here with him, being able to touch him outside of sex and fighting. He brushed the tips of his fingers over the older man's bruised cheek. At some point this would end, but he wanted to enjoy it as long as he could. Murdoc didn't seem like he would throw him out anytime soon.

"I was wondering about something."

"Wot is it faceache?"

"Well yew know 'ow we've sort of been shagging lately, well um if we ever go back home are we still gonna do that?" The blue haired man asked nervously.

Murdoc remained quiet for a bit, he continued playing with 2D's hand like it was fascinating him.

"First off wot home?"

"Yew know England"

"That's just a place, we don't got a home. Remember wot Russ used to tell us, that we're too dysfunctional to have a place in society. It's just us, nobody else…"

2D remembered; it was true, no matter what the two were together. Russel and Noodle always somehow managed to fake normality, to just be around normal type people. 2D and Murdoc didn't even want to be around normal people, but they would try sometimes and it never worked out. They weren't normal mentally or physically, especially physically. Through every bad feeling they held towards each other they knew in the end they only had each other whether they liked it or not.

"Right I remember, but if we went back to England with or without Noodle and Russ. Do yew think that we would still do this?"

"No" Murdoc replied without even hesitation this time.

The taller man nodded, what else did he expect?

"I don't want anybody knowing about this and I sure as Hell won't risk somebody finding out. If we go back to England or our mates make it here we won't do this ever again and we'll forget it ever happened. Got it?"

"Yeah, I got it."

"Wot did yew think I would say?" The older man asked glancing up at the singer.

2D shrugged and looked away for a moment.

"Nothing, I expected just wot yew said."

In some naïve part of his brain he expected to hear they could still do all of this, expected to hear that maybe Murdoc would beat on him less, and treat him better. 2D's little dream world where everything was alright, but that wasn't reality.

Murdoc got up from the bed; he went into the connecting bathroom and came back a few minutes later with a small first aid kit. He sat down next to 2D and took hold of his right wrist; he took out the disinfectant and began cleaning the trying to heal cuts, and then bandaged them.

"Now remember if yew take the bandages off and scratch them again I'm gonna cut yer damn hands off, got it?"

2D nodded.

He silently watched the demon take care of him; Murdoc always took care of him. It was never the kind of care you would receive from a doctor or a parent, it was just the 'I don't wanna do this but I'm going to anyways' sort of care. He'd been doing it ever since day one, Hell maybe somehow he did feel bad about hitting 2D with his car and felt he just had to take care of him for the rest of his life because of that.

"Are yew really immortal?"

Murdoc looked up at him his face blank before a strange smile broke out.

"Yeah I am, keep telling yew lot that….Yew really believe me or think I'm lying?"

"Both; yew always talk, all yew do, and mostly crazy crap lately. Then again yew always mess with those rituals or wotever they are an' I kind of believe yew. I just don't really get it."

"Well yew know I promised my soul and that's how I got yer arse, right?"

2D nodded.

"Well I sort of fucked myself up a bit I'll admit to that much. The erm El Manana incident which wrecked the band completely, well the demons counted that as the end of the deal. Which I find to be complete bollocks since well I should be the one to determine when the deal is done since it is my soul we're talking about."

"So yew still got yer soul, yew always told me yew didn't have it anymore."

Murdoc shrugged.

"I lied, yew know I lie almost all the time."

"How do I know yew aren't lying now?"

The older man let out a low growl, sort of like a deranged dog.

"Just trust me a'right?"

2D looked into his eyes trying to find the crude joke in that, but there wasn't one. He really was dumb enough to trust him, he always was.

"Right; well them and some other blokes came looking for me an' basically I ran out here. I found out about a thing called Boogieman, yew know about that creepy little bastard by now. Apparently it thinks it owns every damned thing out here, but it doesn't. It also found out about Hell's bounty on my fucking immortal soul. That's one reason it keeps trying to get to me, but as long as I can keep away from it and the other things I should be a'right."

"Yew thought if yew started the band up again that they would leave yew alone didn't yew?"

Murdoc smiled slightly.

"Eh yew aren't completely damaged in the head are ya? Good boy, sadly it doesn't work that right. Not many loopholes in Hell y'know, but I'm not dead."

"Wot about erm….Yew know everything else?"

Murdoc looked confused like he honestly couldn't figure out that anything was wrong or odd at all.

"Yew look like Hell, yer even more insane than yew used to be, yer angrier, an' I don't know it's just different."

The older man averted his eyes, he finished up bandaging 2D's wrist and moved farther away from the blue haired man like he didn't trust himself being too close to him.

"Well….I-I'm, I still don't really know all of it myself; I just know some old bastard talked on about if a man can outrun a demon long enough he sort of becomes a bit like one himself….Like his soul can warp an' he becomes different, loses his mind a bit an' begins to be like wot is after him. I wasn't too bad with that when I found out, then I stayed here longer an' wrote those songs…"

"About those; wot bird did yew write them for?"

As long as he had Murdoc telling the truth as far as he could tell he figured he should go all the way with it.

"It's not important; I'm immortal, she's not."

"So?"

"Immortal means I'm only gonna die if my brains get splattered or my head is cut off, like those zombies in those Romero films yew love so much."

"Well that's really cool." 2D said smiling a bit.

Murdoc smiled back at him, he shook his head then looked away.

"Not really; I'll die I guess some day, but it'll be hundreds or thousands of years from now if it happens. Like yer mortal, yew'll just age an' die of old age if yer lucky and I can keep yer arse safe. I will age painfully slowly and die after everybody around me is long gone…That's why it doesn't matter who the girl is, because she don't know that I love her, she doesn't want me, an' I'm not gonna go through watching her die."

2D placed his hand over Murdoc's.

"It's a'right Mudsie, I'm here; I kind of hate yew a lot lately, but I'm still here for yew. We only got each other right, just like Russ used to tell us." 2D said smiling at the older man.

Murdoc looked up at him and smiled.

"Right, all we got is each other."

For the longest moment 2D saw that vulnerable look in his eyes, the one that was so sad and slightly scared. He placed a hand on Murdoc's cheek, he leaned in kissing him. After a moment of hesitation the demon kissed him back. Would it be like this tomorrow? No, but it was right now and that's all that mattered for either of them.


	12. Chapter 12

2D sat curled up on his bed with his hands clutching the sides of his head. He had a migraine worse than any he has had for months now; when he opened his eyes he would feel dizzy, at he moment he just felt like vomiting. His room was shaking with each boom that came from the floors above him. He had been down in here for nearly an hour now, his make shift mask covering his face so that he could hide himself away from the whale that he could feel was outside staring at him, also hide himself from the gun shots going on far above him. He had to give credit though that this was the first attack on the island for awhile now. He was looking that he had already been down in this God forsaken bedroom of his, it saved time on running and fighting with the lift.

He always had this fear that he would end up being killed during one of these battles. He couldn't understand why Murdoc didn't just let them have the damned island; he should have also given them the damned money he owed them for screwing them over a couple of years ago. 2D didn't know a lot about the Black Clouds; he knew that Murdoc sold them explosives that were rigged so they wouldn't work, they were going to get him at Kong to either take the millions he owed them or just kill him, and that's when Murdoc had the genius idea of burning Kong to the ground and fleeing with the insurance money. It might have worked if maybe the Satanist hadn't advertised his location to anybody who listened to his drunken pirate radio broadcasts, but that was the way that Murdoc went…Especially now that he seemed more so mental than usual. 2D just wished that he hadn't been dragged into all of this; he wished that Noodle hadn't been dragged into it either. There really was a pattern where the demon couldn't just accept he did something wrong and now he had to pay for it, he literally had to throw some innocent person in front of him as a human shield so that he didn't have to take any of the hits. When he first arrived at Plastic Beach that was the thing 2D did a lot, he would hold Noodle's supposed death over the older man's head. Constantly tell him that if it wasn't for that genius move of his with that crazy hippie guy and his genius move with the Black Clouds then Noodle would still be around, there wouldn't be any demons, and Kong would still be standing.

All of that would lead him to being beaten until he was out cold. It really was a cycle, but the cycle had changed suddenly. The new cycle was confusing and 2D was still trying to find his footing with it. One minute Murdoc would be black out drunk, telling 2D how pathetic and worthless he was; he would beat the blue haired man to the extreme then stumble off to some other room to puke then pass out. The next thing 2D knew maybe a few hours or a day later Murdoc would come to him, talk to him like he was a real human and not some puppet to be controlled, and talking would lead to making out or shagging. He didn't like to think of it as actual sex; 2D had an idea of what sex was, this wasn't sex. This was Murdoc stripping 2D of his clothes, biting him, scratching him, and fucking him as hard as he could knowing damn well how badly it hurt the younger man. He couldn't think of one time where Murdoc would take any of his own clothes off, that's how isolated this was. This wasn't sex as far as 2D thought of sex; this was just something to do. He sometimes wondered if Murdoc knew that 2D had feelings for him and he was using that for some new form of torture.

A loud bang sounded from the floor above causing the blue haired man's room to shake violently.

Another thing that worried him about the island attacks was; what if Murdoc died?

He knew that the Satanist told him that he couldn't die, well he could but it'd be something difficult for somebody to do. If Murdoc ended up being killed that meant 2D would be stranded on this disgusting island with no way to leave and no protection. He would be utterly fucked, he wondered if Murdoc understood that or he was too cocky about being immortal to think over that possibility. He hated to think about his friend being dead; it was a disturbing thought even if it was just a thought. It always made his chest feel tight and this feeling of panic would go through him. He had told Murdoc that he wished he were dead once or twice, but he never meant it. Sometimes he just got fed up with everything and it'd lead to yelling things he didn't even want to say, he just wanted to say something hurtful. He doubted that anything he ever said hurt Murdoc though, pissed him off yes, but never hurt him. Yet the older man was always hurting him with every action and every word, 2D figured it'd just kill him completely if Murdoc ever died. A lot of people told him he was demented for caring so much, but he didn't pay much attention to them. He still felt to this very day like he owed the older man something, owed him everything. That's why he let him get away with so much.

The door to his room was flung open, it banged against the wall. Murdoc quickly entered the room; he grabbed hold of the door slamming it shut. He leaned back against it; his eyes were wide, chest heaving with each heavy breath that he took, and there were tears in his shirt and jeans along with splatters of blood. 2D removed his mask setting it down on the bed; he stood up and went over to the older man.

"Wot happened?"

Murdoc closed his eyes, took a deep breath then let it out slowly. He opened his eyes again looking a bit less scared this time.

"Nothing, nothing important; just the usual yew know. Cyborg got torn to shreds, I need to remember and go bring her back inside later…She needs repaired, damn thing glitched an' I nearly got killed."

He shoved past 2D and went to sit down on the bed. He ran his shaking fingers back through his hair and let out a long sigh. 2D cautiously sat down next to him; he noticed a couple of small cuts on his face, his fingers had dried blood on them. The blue haired man gently touched Murdoc's cheek just barely touching the little cuts marring his green skin. The older man allowed him to, kind of like he didn't mind 2D touching him at the moment. The younger man took hold of the Satanist's hand; he looked closely at his fingers noticing more cuts.

"Tell me wot happened."

"Nothing like I just said, I got blind sided and they roughed me up a bit. Not a big deal, don't worry about it." He said pulling his hand away from the younger man.

"I always worry about yew, seems like all yew do is get in trouble."

"Oi, not always; yer more of a fuck up than I am."

"I don't screw over Hell and piss off gangs."

Murdoc glared in the younger man's direction before lying down on the bed. He grabbed at the back of 2D's shirt roughly pulling the singer down with him.

"Yew a'right?" Murdoc asked

"Does it really matter?"

The older man shrugged and looked away.

"No it doesn't, but I figured I'd be nice enough to ask."

"I guess I'm a'right, I got a headache and ran out of my pills awhile ago."

"I'll send Cyborg out to get yew more in the morning, think yew'll be a'right until then?" Murdoc asked, he began combing his fingers through the younger man's hair.

"I'll be a'right….Can I ask yew something?"

"Depends on wot it is."

"Wot's going on between us?"

"Nothing"

"That isn't really a good answer."

"Well wot do ya want me to say, there isn't anything going on."

2D felt frustrated, he wanted to say something smart or just drop the topic for the sake of what sanity he was hanging on to, but he really wanted an answer on this.

"Don't do that, I'm not a complete moron like yew always say that I am. Yeah I'm a bit slow an' not really smart, but I'm not useless."

"Never said that yer useless luv, yew really aren't." The older man said his voice low.

"Give me a real answer this time."

"Does it really matter?"

"Kind of, y-yeah it does."

"It's not like yer in love with me or some shit like that." The older man said laughing.

2D sat up, he scooted to the other end of the bed. Murdoc sat up and looked at him quizzically like he was just now trying to figure something out.

"I love yew a'right? It's not like I want to be, I….I hate myself for it an' I hate yew even more for it."

Murdoc got up; he stepped in front of the blue haired man.

"Me, why t'e hell do ya hate me for it? I never did one bloody thing to make yew love me.

"Just get out of my room." 2D said looking away from the bassist.

"That's it then; yew think yer in love with me or some garbage like that. Why did yew fucking have to tell me that, stupid little…"

Murdoc smacked him hard across the face.

"My fault, won't argue; I should know better than to love yew an' I should know much better than to have told yew."

Murdoc gave no reply he simply turned and left the room slamming and locking the door behind him. 2D figured he would see him again later in the day, most likely drunk and filled with rage. For now the blue haired man planned to just sit here with his migraine and wonder why he had hoped all of that would have gone differently.


	13. Chapter 13

Three hours after he had stormed off he was back, this time he was obviously drunk. Those crimson eyes were filled to the brim with conflicting rage, with no words only heavy breaths he went over to where 2D sat on the bed and grabbed the singer by his hair. He pulled him off of the bed down onto the floor, 2D cried out at the feeling of his hair being roughly pulled. Murdoc released him; he swiftly kicked the singer in the chest, 2D let out another cry quieter this time. Another kick except this one was to the stomach, another to his knee, and one to the mouth. The blue haired man curled up into the fetal position placing his hands over the top of his head, his eyes were closed tightly.

"Do yew still love me, do ya still fucking care 'bout me?" Murdoc yelled as he continued to kick at the younger man.

2D gave no reply; he could taste blood in his mouth. He tried to crawl away, but Murdoc grabbed him by the back of his shirt and pulled him back. He sat on top of the singer's stomach and began punching him, no real targeted place just any place he could. The blue haired man didn't even try to defend himself; he just lay there with his eyes closed trying to be as quiet as he possibly could. His silence only seemed to anger the green skinned man more than he already was.

"Say something, do something; why do yew always just let me do this? Why do yew fucking….I hate yew, why did yew have to tell me that yew….Don't….Yew don't love me, yew stupid little queer."

2D could hear his voice shake, in a way it was like he wasn't even yelling at him. Like he was fighting with himself, 2D just happened to be somebody in the way of this internal conflict. It reminded him of when they had toured for Demon Days, when Murdoc's father started sending threatening letters to him. That's when the bassist's rage would be at its worst, he beat 2D every chance that he had. He then would give a half ass apology, help the singer clean up, and if 2D was lucky he could hear Murdoc actually talk about what was going on.

"Yew aren't supposed to love me, yew aren't supposed to care about me. Can't ya get that through that thick worthless skull of yers? I don't want yew!"

He felt something sharp like claws dig into his cheek, a hard hit to his stomach and then the weight lifted off of him. 2D managed to roll over onto his side; he wrapped an arm around his aching stomach. He opened his eyes and looked up at the older man, he gave a weak smile.

"I love yew, it…It is pathetic isn't it, I don't want it. I'm sorry about it an' everything else, I know how much yew hate me but that doesn't change anything."

Murdoc stared down at him his eyes slightly wide, he looked confused and scared. He had used up all of his rage, now he was just in this place where he didn't know what to feel or where to go from here. 2D gave a weak little laugh, coughed, and then closed his eyes again. He felt physically horrible, but on the inside he felt like he just received the weirdest form of closure.


	14. Chapter 14

When 2D woke up every muscle in his body felt as if it were on fire. His head was pounding and his face felt tight and itchy due to the dried blood caked to his skin from where Murdoc had kicked him in the mouth. He considered moving from the floor, maybe make it up onto his bed, or better yet he could drag himself into the bathroom and clean himself up. Hell better yet if he had the strength for it he could just slit his own throat, but even turning his neck caused him to cough and whimper in pain. He was used to the physical pain, to feeling like he had been run over by a semi, but now there was at least five hundred pounds of emotional pain on top of it. Salt being rubbed into all of his opened wounds; did Murdoc even care or was he completely oblivious to how much Hel he put 2D through? This was the same bastard who had spent most of his life trying to be some weird James Dean, Keith Richards rip off who now prided himself on believing he was completely dead on the inside. Dead on the inside, Murdoc was nothing but dead internally. He told everybody that because he was proud of it, he was proud of being some sadistic heartless fuck who was getting revenge on a world he felt had fucked him over his entire life. As he grew older he grew more demented, angry, and just….He didn't care, he didn't care about one fucking person other than himself and even then it didn't seem like he cared about that either. 2D wished he could care, wished that Murdoc could look at him; actually fucking look at him and realize that through all of this, this scrawny pathetic dull man was in love with him. There was somebody who cared, who always cared, and proved that every second of his life. Murdoc never noticed and if he did then he took it for granted, tried to find the underlying meaning, the lie between the lines. There was no lie, there was no long run scheme; 2D just loved him, cared about him, and wanted nothing more than to….He didn't know anymore.

He wasn't sure why he even tried, why he bothered telling Murdoc that he was in love with him.

Why wouldn't he? He honestly had not a single thing to lose.

"Stu?"

2D ignored the voice; he placed a hand over his face and grunted.

"Satan, yew look like Hell."

"Huh, I wonder why." The younger man whispered, he pulled away when he felt Murdoc's hand on his shoulder.

He opened his eyes slightly and glanced up at the green skinned musician. He actually looked a bit sad, ashamed of himself even; it made 2D want to hug him and tell him it was alright, even if it was far from that.

"I'm sorry"

This time 2D didn't pull away when Murdoc touched him, his fingers going through his hair.

"My head hurts"

"Here take these, I had Cyborg go an' get them last night." Murdoc said, he handed the singer an orang prescription bottle.

2D pulled himself up into a sitting position; he leaned back against his night stand. He took two tablets out of the bottle and took them.

"Last night, 'ow long have I been passed out for?"

"About a day"

"An' yew didn' check on me at all in that time?"

Murdoc scratched at the back of his head and looked away.

"Er well I thought about it but I figured yew weren't dead."

"I could 'ave been, yew really beat the 'ell outta me."

"I know, I know I already apologized for it. Wot else do ya want from me?"

"Do yew feel bad 'bout it or yew just think that yew should?"

Murdoc continued staring off at the other side of the room for a bit; he turned his attention back to 2D when he finally decided to answer.

"I feel actually bad 'bout it, I really do; I shouldn't 'ave done that to yew. I still say yer out of yer bloody mind though being in love with me."

"Why does it bother yew?"

Murdoc averted his eyes again, 2D attempted to read his expression but he couldn't. It was a mix between nothing and shame, nothing was going to change there. At least he could tell that the older man genuinely regretted what had happened, that was a little bit of comfort.

"I'll be right back"

The bassist got up and left the room going into the bathroom. 2D heard him going through cabinets then water running, four minutes later Murdoc came back with a damp wash cloth in his hand. He kneeled down in front of the blue haired man; he cupped his face with one hand and used the other to gently wipe the blood from his face.

"I might as well wash yew up since yew won't seem to do it."

"Yew never answered my question."

"Er right, wot question again?"

"Why does it bother yew so much that I'm in love with yew?"

"Yew aren't supposed to be in love with me, nobody is." The older man answered simply.

It seemed like it was supposed to be such an obvious answer.

"I tol' yew I don't want to be in love with yew, I hate yer guts."

Murdoc grinned exposing his sharp teeth.

"Yew really 'ave been getting yer attitude from me."

In a way it seemed like for years now Murdoc had been molding 2D into something he wanted, like a younger version of himself. Yet he didn't want this younger version of himself to care about him, especially love him.

"Do yew care about me, at all?"

Murdoc placed the cloth on the floor and removed his hand from 2D's face.

"Yeah of course I do, yew know that."

"No I don't; why would I know that? Yew beat me up, yew demean me, an' threaten me. I don't get 'ow yew actually care about me, I don't think yew know wot care means."

The older man looked a bit hurt by what 2D had said.

"I'm not great with this crap, with feeling, or showing that I feel. Nobody ever cared about me, that's how it's always been. I know I care about yew, because….I just know, I've known ever since yew tried to kill yerself. If I didn't care I would 'ave just let yew die, I wouldn't 'ave saved yew. Yew haven't got a clue 'ow much that scared me, 'ow much I fucking hate myself for pushing yew to that. I've fucked yew up, I have fucked yew up on every level and every aspect….I don't know wot to say or wot to do. I'm never going to be able to give yew wot yew need, want or deserve. Just leave it at that, yeah?"

"Nothing changes then?"

"I'm not going to hit yew anymore, I can't; I'm reminding myself too much of my father. I-I want to keep yew safe, especially from myself."

2D took hold of Murdoc's hand squeezing gently.

"I love yew Mu'doc, I'm really worried 'bout yew."

"Don't, I told yew before that's a waste."

"I don't care."

Murdoc looked into the younger man's eyes, he smiled nervously.

"I'm never going to love yew back, yew know that right?"

2D nodded; he knew, he'd always known that. Hearing those words hurt like Hell, but at least they were talking and for the first time in years Murdoc was looking and acting like he used to. The way he used to be years before this horrible island and all of the demons, back when things were kind of okay. 2D leaned forward kissing him; Murdoc placed a hand on the singer's cheek. The older man broke away from the kiss; he ran his fingers back through 2D's hair.

"I'll protect yew, I promise."

He sat down next to the blue haired man; 2D rested his head on Murdoc's shoulder. He closed his eyes smiling softly, little moments of happiness. No matter how small or painful they really were they were still moments, they were his moments and he took as many as he could get.


	15. Chapter 15

Murdoc's P.O.V.

"Did yew date anybody after the band ended?"

"Yeah I dated this one lady for a bit, she was really dull."

Murdoc laughed, 2D smiled at him then looked away. They were sitting on the bassist's bed, they had spent most of the morning sitting there talking to each other. It was sort of like how it used to be, back before everything became tense and hateful. He couldn't stop himself from staring at the blue haired man; he was older, and prettier. It was like he could only get prettier and younger looking at any age, Murdoc just always pictured the boy he had run over years ago.

"Anybody else, like any guys?" Murdoc asked curiously.

"Yeah I dated one; actually it lasted for a good while."

"Oh, er wot was he like?"

"He was nice I guess, stayed over at my place a lot. He was really kind, made me feel happy….I broke it off after a couple months though." 2D said waving his hand in the air almost like he was officially dismissing his own memories.

"Right, I mean that's….Yew should be with somebody nice ya know, some bloke who can, never mind I don't even know wot I'm trying to say."

2D placed his hand over Murdoc's.

"I like yew, right now I like yew."

"Do yew just keep hoping I'll change; become sane, be more like I used to be. I guess I was sane enough back then, I know I wasn't quite as cruel back then. Not anything like I am now, if that's wot yer waiting for then yer rather screwed."

2D buried his face in the side of the older man's neck. He pressed his lips against his skin, kissing up to his earlobe.

"I miss yew, yew scare the Hell out of me, but God I love yew so much. Just try to stay a little sane for me; I'm worried I'll lose yew completely." The younger man whispered into his ear.

Murdoc loved him; he loved him so much that it killed everything inside of himself. He felt like if he told 2D that he loved him back then it could only do more harm than good. Maybe if he just kept his love to himself, buried it, and lied enough it would go away. He didn't want to feel love; he didn't want to love somebody he could only hurt.

"Yew lost me years ago."

2D wrapped his arms around the green skinned man's waist.

"If that lady yew love comes back do yew still want her?"

"I don't really think I want anybody anymore."

"Wot about me?"

Murdoc rubbed his hand up and down the younger man's back. He liked the feeling of this warm loving body against him, the feeling of 2D's warm breath against his skin. If he had been offered this type of affection when he had been young, he never would have sold his soul. He never would have wanted to be so dead and gone.

"No, I don't want yew."

The blue haired man didn't yell, he didn't cry, or get up and leave. He only lay down on the bed curling up on his side; Murdoc lay down next to him. He caressed 2D's cheek; he placed a gentle kiss against his forehead. 2D took hold of his hand again, lacing their fingers together. The bassist held him closely, he felt like he should apologize for every hurtful thing he said and did. Nothing really told him that he had to be this cold and distant, but it always felt like he had to be this way even if it hurt like Hell.


	16. Chapter 16

He loved the feeling of 2D's body on top of his, he loved the feeling of those crooked teeth attempting to bite the skin on his neck, and those talented fingers caressing his skin going lower and lower with each passing second. Murdoc loved him, he fucking loved him, and he hated them both for it. He moaned loudly as the younger man ground down against his crotch, he tangled his fingers in 2D's hair jerking his head back. He ran his tongue down the front of the singer's throat; he gripped tightly to his hips holding 2D still while he thrust up against him. 2D's hand slipped down the front of the older man's pants, Murdoc kissed him hard, he bit into the blue haired man's lower lip. He shoved 2D back on the bed; he sat back on his knees removing his own shirt then unfastened his jeans. The singer sat up, he began kissing the older man's chest. This was actually the first time Murdoc removed any clothing while they did this, closer he was getting closer to him. He didn't want to, but this felt incredible, and it was only sex after all.

2D placed a hand on the back of Murdoc's neck; he lay back pulling the bassist down on top of him. They kissed roughly, 2D's hand found its way back inside of Murdoc's pants.

Why did this feel different? It was a lot like the other times they had shagged.

He removed the younger man's jeans followed by his boxers; Murdoc wrapped his hand around 2D's cock. The singer tossed his head back moaning loudly as the older man stroked him.

He used to not like touching him during sex, he used to be against 2D really enjoying it. Now he needed to hear him moan, needed to see that pure pleasure in his expression.

"Off" The younger man muttered as he tugged at Murdoc's jeans.

The older man removed his jeans kicking them off onto the floor. 2D wrapped a leg around his waist pulling Murdoc down closer to him.

"Fuck me"

Murdoc could feel himself shiver internally at the words, at the power behind them. He pressed his index and middle finger against the younger man's lips, 2D opened his mouth taking Murdoc's fingers in. He ran his tongue up along the underside of the bassist's fingers, swirling around them; his black eyes locked on the older man. He arched his back off of the bed whimpering softly as he continued sucking the older man's fingers.

"Yer a real pervert, y'know." Murdoc said smirking; he removed his fingers from 2D's mouth.

He pushed the blue haired man's legs apart settling between his thighs. He slowly pushed his fingers inside of him; he kept a close eye on the younger man's expression making sure this didn't hurt him too much. Why did that matter?

2D groaned Murdoc kissed him gently.

He continued thrusting his fingers inside of the younger man, the sounds of discomfort turned to ones of pleasure and finally ones of frustration. 2D thrust against him grunting in frustration, Murdoc laughed.

"Patience luv" The older man whispered against 2D's neck.

"Please Mudsie, I need yew."

Murdoc grabbed the bottle of lube from the nightstand next to his bed. He removed the cap pouring the liquid into the palm of his hand; he wrapped his hand around his dick lubing himself up.

He grabbed the younger man by the hips holding tightly as he slowly pushed inside of him. 2D closed his eyes tightly, Murdoc kissed along his neck as he continued pushing himself inside of him going as slowly as he could manage. He stopped half way inside; he combed his fingers through 2D's hair whispering sweet things to him trying to get him to relax. He remembered just a week ago he could have cared less if this hurt him; he had wanted to hurt him just to make 2D leave him alone. He had wanted to hurt him to keep himself at a distance from the blue haired man, to keep himself from properly enjoying all of this; all of him.

"Faster"

"Yew sure?"

The younger man nodded his head. Murdoc pulled half way out then shoved back in; he picked up his pace still trying to be cautious of hurting him. 2D wrapped his legs around his back pulling him closer, pushing him in deeper. He thrust harder, gripping tightly to the younger man. They kissed passionately; Murdoc put his hand between them taking hold of the singer's erection. He stroked him in time with his frantic thrusting, 2D bucked against him. The older man buried his face in the crook of the singer's neck paying close attention to every high moan and the calling out of his name, his tongue traced the marks he had left on 2D's skin. He ran his thumb over the tip of the blue haired man's cock.

2D came hard in the older man's hand, with a couple more thrusts Murdoc came inside of the singer. He kissed him gently before pulling out and lying back on the bed. 2D crawled on top of him, he leaned down kissing the center of Murdoc's chest, his throat, he kissed along his jawline, and then his mouth.

"I love yew" He said as he stared down at the green skinned man.

Murdoc stared right back at him, the words hurt; they hurt every time that 2D spoke them. Murdoc averted his eyes, he couldn't stand keeping eye contact with him anymore; it hurt too damn much.

2D lay down on top of the older man, resting his head on his stomach. Murdoc ran his fingers through the other man's tangled blue hair. He could say it, he could look him in the eye and say those words he knew 2D wanted to hear. He could tell him that he wanted him more than he'd wanted anything for a long time that he loved him enough to actually die for him. He could actually cry at how badly this hurt him, but this wouldn't last either way. He wouldn't ever give himself to 2D, not completely; he would always be holding something back from him, from whatever it was they had. At this point it'd probably just be harder on 2D to know that Murdoc loved him. Maybe he could tell him then break this off that could work. He glanced down at the younger man, it was really quite natural to love him and take care of him. It was just impossible to say it.


	17. Chapter 17

2D's P.O.V.

He hated migraines; the throbbing in his head almost like the beating of a drum. 2D lay on the couch with his hand over his eyes; the television played in the background the sound coming from it seemed nearly foreign to his ears. When he had his migraines nearly everything he heard took longer for him to process, every word sounded like an unknown language he had never heard before.

"Yew a'right?"

The blue haired man shrugged in response. He felt Murdoc grab his legs and shove them off of the couch so that he could sit down. 2D moved into a sitting position pulling his legs underneath himself, he kept his hand over his face. A shiver ran through him followed by another heavy throb that caused him to whimper, he felt and sounded pathetic. Murdoc used to always make fun of him for the way he would act with his migraines, he thought it was funny torturing him and hearing him whine.

"I swear I'll get yew more pills soon, think it'll just go off on its own?" Murdoc asked.

He genuinely sounded like he was concerned, like he was worried about the blue haired man not feeling well.

"C'mere"

Murdoc wrapped an arm around 2D's shoulder and pulled the younger man closer to him. 2D rested his head on the older man's chest; Murdoc stroked the back of the singer's neck.

"Why yew being nice to me lately?"

"I don't know, I'm bored of being a prick."

"I thought that was like a life long game for yew."

"I can be nice ya know." The older man said defensively.

2D smiled; he liked less psychotic Murdoc, but it was still weird.

"Right, but usually not to me."

"I feel bad, a'right?"

"Why?"

"Well for one thing I'm the reason yew did this." Murdoc said taking hold of 2D's scarred wrist.

"Secondly because yew had to go and tell me that yew think yer in love with me."

2D pulled back and looked up at the green skinned man.

"No, I am in love with yew. It's not like it's something new, especially to yew; I just hoped it was something that would go away after all the shit yew put all of us through."

"Do yew still wish it'd go away?"

"Not really, I'm actually kind of happy now." The younger man said smiling slightly.

"If yew could 'ave any other bloke in the world, yew would still wanna be with me?"

"It's crazy, but yeah I would. I love yew Mu'doc, it's not gonna change. I know that yew hate it when I say it to yew, I can tell."

"I don't hate it, I just don't deserve it."

2D lay his head back down against the older man's chest, Murdoc rubbed his hand along the younger man's back.

"If I 'ad told yew I wanna be with yew when we lived at Kong would things be different?"

"Like wot?"

"Between us."

The older man stayed quiet for a bit.

"No, nothing would be different. Yew got me as much as yer ever gonna have me, I'm a waste of yer time."

"I don't care, I don't 'ave much else to do out 'ere."

Murdoc kissed the top of his head.

"Moron"


	18. Chapter 18

2D was accustomed to Murdoc's mood swings; the older man was made up of nothing but mood swings and alcohol. Being ignored though, he wasn't used to Murdoc ignoring him; he hadn't heard the bassist speak a single word in over a week. Anytime 2D would enter into a room, Murdoc would automatically leave it. The blue haired man didn't know what the hell was going on; he just understood that it was becoming frustrating as well as highly annoying. On an island where you had no options when it came to socializing it was rather easy to go insane when the only person you had to talk to refused to talk to you, or even look at you.

That's why 2D decided today he would confront him; he had spent a good portion of the morning sitting in Murdoc's bedroom. He had no clue where the green skinned man was, but he knew he'd eventually come into this room to drink or pass out. 2D kept going through all of the possible reasons that Murdoc could be avoiding him, all of the idiotic reasons that were far from rational to everybody that wasn't the demonic bassist.

After nearly three hours of waiting the black haired man came into the room. He froze in the doorway when he saw 2D sitting on the edge of his bed, for a moment it looked like he was actually going to turn and leave the room.

"Why are yew in my room?"

"I was waiting for yew, I figured yew would come in 'ere eventually." 2D said his eyes studying the older man, trying to figure out what was going on.

The older man's face held little emotion other than a tiny bit of confusion as to why 2D was in his room.

"Why in Hell are yew waiting for me, get outta my room." He said pointing towards the door.

"No, I wanna know why yew keep ignoring me."

"Wot?"

2D tried to stay calm, it was becoming difficult.

"Every time I'm in a room with yew, yew leave; when I try to talk to yew, yew grunt or just get up and leave. Wot is going on with yew, other than the general insanity that is yew."

"It's none of yer damn business, now get outta my room. Ever think maybe I don't want to talk to yew or hang around yew all of the time?"

"Are yew kidding me, yew brought me out here and still won't let me leave. Wot do yew want with me?"

Murdoc crossed his arms over his chest, he looked away for a moment; when he looked back in 2D's direction he seemed annoyed.

"Just drop it, I don't want to talk about this."

"Well I want to, wot's going on…I thought maybe yew were…"

"Were wot; normal, nice, or maybe a bit less of a complete bastard?" The older man snapped angrily.

"I thought maybe yew cared about me."

Murdoc laughed that sarcastic psychotic fucking laugh that 2D had never liked. It always made him feel stupid, like a dull little child.

"I tol' ya before faceache; I don't fucking care about yew, I don't love yew."

"So wot this is yer way of dumping me?"

"Huh? How am I dumping yew, for the love of Satan; we weren't even together in the first place. There aren't any birds around 'ere an' there aren't any smart or attractive blokes so I'm pretty damn low on options. I was only shagging yew cause I'm bored, not my damned fault that yew had to go and tell me that love shit."

"But…"

"But nothing, did yew really think I gave a fuck about yew? I don't; why would I?"

"I can't believe this, why are yew saying this?"

He didn't even feel angry anymore, he just felt sad. He kept trying to read Murdoc's emotions, but all he saw was the usual disdain as well as amusement by this whole situation.

"I'm saying dullard that I can't stand yew. Why would yew think in that thick head of yers that I would love yew? Yer stupid, yer not even that fucking good looking, an' yew can't even kill yerself correctly."

That last part that was the part that did it. 2D got up from the bed; he shoved past Murdoc and left the room. He could hear the older man chuckling, he didn't know if he felt more like crying or turning and punching him.

"I'm done; I-I can't do this anymore. Just fuck yew Mu'doc; if yew don't want to deal with me then yew don't have to."

"Wot is that supposed to mean?"

"I'm not talking to yew anymore; I don't even wanna look at yew anymore."

Murdoc laughed.

"Who else are ya gonna talk to, we're the only two on this whole damn island. Ya gotta start talking to me eventually, idiot."

2D didn't respond he just continued walking, he didn't care if he didn't have anybody else to talk to.


	19. Chapter 19

One month later..

Heavy storms meant Black Clouds and the Black Clouds always meant the Boogieman was on his way. After so long this was all a system, a system 2D knew well enough. He did his part by willingly hiding in his underwater room; he assumed Murdoc was outside fighting or pretending that he was. Even all the way down here he could hear the gun shots going on, on the land far up above him. Even if he was pissed off at him he still hoped Murdoc would be alright, they really hadn't spoken to each other for about a month. He hated thinking that if Murdoc got killed then their last words would have been an idiotic fight, a fight that 2D still didn't understand. For awhile he had thought about it, obsessed over what was going on, but in the long run it was better for his mental well being to just give up.

The noises from up above ceased, everything fell into this eerie sort of a silence. Like the kind that you expected to come with the end of the world; the fighting had only been going on for maybe half an hour or so, this was unusual. Normally the explosions and shots would get lower and eventually fade off, but this time they just cut off like somebody muted them. He considered remaining in his room, this seemed really off, but curiosity took hold of him. 2D got up off of his bed; he left his room keeping his steps light and quick. He went to the lift hitting the button to call for it; he actually flinched at the overly loud sound of metal grinding as it reached the floor he was on. He stepped inside and pressed for it to go up to the main floor; he'd go outside, most likely that's where Murdoc would be. Not like he would talk to him when he found him, but at least then he would know for sure if the bassist was physically alright or not.

When it landed on the main floor 2D looked cautiously around the area before stepping out. He did his best to not stumble or walk too heavily, everything was so damned quiet it was really starting to make him nervous.

"Mu'doc?" 2D called out, his voice echoed in the room.

Nothing, maybe it really was over, but he still felt weird.

2D went out onto the balcony; the sky was clear, it wasn't dark and apocalyptic like it had been just a little while ago. He looked around expecting to see large ships, planes, or even demons. Nothing, he saw absolutely nothing. He heard something coming from down below, it sounded like yelling. It actually sounded like a woman yelling, that didn't make sense though; there weren't any women here unless you wanted to consider the Cyborg a woman. 2D leaned over the railing and glanced around, he still couldn't see whoever he was hearing, but now he heard another voice yelling and this one sounded more familiar, like Murdoc.

The blue haired man backed away from the railing, he turned and ran back inside. He went back to the lift and hit for it to take him down to the entrance. The moment the metal doors creaked open he was outside, running along the glass and plastic coated sand getting closer and closer to the source of yelling voices.

2D stopped in his tracks when he finally arrived at the source. To the left was Murdoc looking a mix between anger and fear, his face was bruised and bloodied. To the right was a woman who appeared to be in her early twenties; her hair was lavender and almost down to her shoulders, her skin was pale, her right eye bruised and fractured almost like 2D's, lips painted red, and she wore a dirty white dress. In the woman's left hand was Cyborg, well most of the Cyborg; everything except for the head, the head was in her other hand.

"Wot's going on?" 2D asked his voice coming out quiet.

There was so much tension between the two people before him that he didn't feel comfortable speaking in a normal tone.

Murdoc and the woman both turned to look at him. Murdoc still looked pissed off, but the woman went from looking worn and angry to looking happy. She dropped the robot's corpse to the ground and ran over to 2D. She wrapped her arms around his neck hugging him tightly; the blue haired man stumbled falling off balance. He fell onto his ass with the purple haired woman still holding him tightly.

"2D you're okay; I was so worried about you."

"Noodle?"

She pulled back and looked down at the older man smiling.

"I've changed a lot haven't I, God I've missed you so much."

"I missed yew too, wow yew really grew up; I was worried yew weren't alive anymore." The singer said feeling a bit sad.

Noodle moved off of him standing to her feet, she offered her hand to 2D helping him to his feet. 2D glanced over at Murdoc who wasn't even looking in their direction; he was staring out at the ocean, his arms were crossed over his chest, and still he looked pissed off.

"I was worried that Murdoc had hurt you."

"Not anymore than usual, is Russ with yew?"

"Yeah, well on the other side of the island. I told him to stay behind; he's still really pissed off at Murdoc for what happened." She said glaring in the green skinned man's direction.

"Fucking hell is everybody in this bloody band against me now?" Murdoc asked glaring at the two.

"You nearly got me killed you bastard, I'm not done with you. When we get inside of this 'castle' of yours I have a lot I need to talk to you about." Noodle said her eyes locked on Murdoc.

She sounded pissed; 2D wasn't really used to her being pissed off. He had gone so long without seeing her that it was almost like he was being introduced to a brand new person, she just happened to have the same name as the sister he once knew.

"Wotever, I did wot I had to do; not my bloody fault that yew had a mishap and dullard there nearly drowned twice."

"What?"

"Er I mean….Not drowned an'…Yew know wot I'm gonna take my robot inside and fix her up since somebody had to chop her bloody head off."

Murdoc collected the parts of his robot up from the sand and started towards the stairs leading up to the mansion.

"Glad to 'ave yew back Noodle." 2D said smiling slightly.

"Believe it or not I kind of missed him, even if he's a bastard."

With that they followed behind Murdoc.


	20. Chapter 20

"Honestly luv, I think yer being just a tad irate 'bout this whole situation."

The three of them were standing in the study room, well Murdoc considered it a study, but in reality it was the room he would barricade himself in at night so he could get completely wasted.

"Irate, I'm being irate?" Noodle asked stepping closer to the older man.

She glared up at him, her hands balled into fists at her sides. Murdoc took a step back putting his hands up in front of himself as if that could actually keep the young guitarist from beating him up. 2D knew that even when Noodle was a kid that Murdoc had been a little scared of her, but now that she was in her twenties and angry as hell the Satanist actually seemed scared as hell.

"C'mon Noods it isn' that big of a deal."

Noodle laughed and shook her head.

"I always knew that you were insane, but Christ I didn't know you were this insane."

"I been tellin' 'im this whole time he's completely crazy."

Murdoc glared in 2D's direction baring his sharpened teeth like a deranged dog.

"Shut it faceache, nobody wants to hear yew talk."

"Hey don't tell him to shut up."

"Oi, do ya know 'ow Hellish it is to live on an island wit' that little bastard? He never shuts up!"

"You wouldn't have to live alone with him if you hadn't kidnapped him. I wouldn't be ready to knock your teeth in if you hadn't had your genius plan to kill Jimmy Manson."

"Wot, why are yew making it seem like all this is my fault?" Murdoc asked sounding genuinely offended.

Noodle slapped him across the face.

"Wot the fucking 'ell?" The older man yelled looking at the purple haired girl with widened eyes.

"This is all your fault! You are the one who led that little psychotic man along, you're the one who told him he could kill us, you're the one who put me on that island knowing damned well I could have died, and you're the one who burned our only home down so you could make some quick cash. On top of all that you kidnapped 2D and numerous other people just to make them do an album they didn't want to do in the first place. You knew I was still alive and what did you do? Nothing, you just left me and Russel all alone."

Murdoc remained silent for a minute; he looked the slightest bit ashamed. 2D hadn't really processed all of it, he didn't even know about some of those things until Noodle had just said them.

"Yer alive ain't ya, plus yew made it here with not a scra-er barely a scratch on ya."

Noodle shook her head sadly, had she really expected to get through?

She turned away from Murdoc almost seeming disgusted by the sight of him.

"I need some rest; I haven't slept for days now. I'll be on the couch if you decide to stop acting like the guy from The Shining."

With that she left the study slamming the door behind her. Now it was only 2D and Murdoc, now everything seemed a combination of tense and rather awkward. The blue haired man leaned back against the desk, he looked down at the floor not really sure where else was safe to look. He knew he should just leave the room, but he felt like they should talk; they hadn't talked for what seemed like ages.

"Yew could've been a bit nicer to 'er." 2D whispered.

"I was nice; she's the one acting like some psychotic bitch."

"Hey don't call her a bitch." 2D said looking the older man in the eye.

"I'll call 'er wotever I want to as long as she acts this fucking mad. Besides wot would yew do about it?" Murdoc asked smirking.

2D walked up to him, he glared down at the shorter man. It wasn't until now that he honestly realized he was nearly a foot taller than Murdoc, he was in better shape and in better health physically anyways. Yet he had always allowed the bassist to have this mental control over him, over his friends. He shoved the green skinned man roughly back against a book shelf, Murdoc looked stunned by the sudden action. 2D grabbed the front of his shirt keeping a hold on him; he continued staring right into his darkened eyes.

"Yew can't use people Mu'doc. Yew nearly killed Noodle all 'cause yew didn' want to handle yer own problem, yew didn't even admit it was yer fault she almost died. Yew ruined the band, yew made me look like this and act like it was a great discovery. I used to fink maybe yew did really care 'bout all of us, but yew don't. Yew don't care about anybody other than yer damned self. Yew fucked me, yew used me, and beat me; I'm sick of it, I'm sick of yew. I'm not scared of yew anymore an' I'm not some little toy for yew to screw 'round with. I'm done…I'm honestly done."

2D let go of the older man, he didn't want for a response or a physical retaliation. He turned and left the room, he thought about waking Noodle up to talk to her about what she had missed over these past few years, but he knew the young girl really needed some rest after all of the shit she had been through.

He wished that he could just leave this dreaded island; he wished that he could just turn his feelings on and off like they were nothing. He knew by tomorrow he would feel bad about what he had said to Murdoc, he knew Murdoc would beat the hell out of him first chance that he got. 2D loved him, he hated him, but he wasn't afraid of him anymore. Maybe if he could stop fearing him he could stop loving him, just turn himself off like Murdoc seemed to be able to do so easily.


	21. Chapter 21

The following morning when 2D went up to the living room he found Noodle sitting on the couch holding her old acoustic guitar. She was looking fondly over the instrument, the way she cradled it reminded him of a parent with their child. He hated Murdoc for allowing the robot to use that same guitar, for letting it look like Noodle; he really couldn't imagine how angry and betrayed she had to feel over this. He wondered if she was angry at him for allowing Murdoc to do all of this.

"You know I've missed this guitar almost as much as I've missed you guys." She said smiling a bit.

"I'm sorry"

She looked up at 2D seeming confused by his apology.

"Why are you sorry?"

"I let Mu'doc replace yew an' let 'im give t'at robot yer guitar."

Noodle patted the seat next to her on the couch signaling for the blue haired man to sit down. 2D sat down next to her, he kept his hands on his lap fumbling with his fingers nervously.

"You did nothing wrong 'D, its Murdoc's fault any of this happened. Don't blame yourself for something you can't control."

"I still could've done somethin' like we could 'ave really looked for yew more instead of jus' goin' on tour an' actin' like nothin' happened. I'm really sorry Noodle."

The guitarist wrapped her arms around the older man hugging him.

"It's alright, don't be sorry. You're still my big brother and I love you, don't beat yourself up over this."

She pulled back and smiled up at the older man; he tried to offer a smile in return but couldn't get himself to.

"Well looks like yew lot are comfortable."

They both turned to see Murdoc standing in the doorway looking agitated, his arms crossed over his chest.

2D scooted to the other side of the couch.

"Well I haven't seen 2D for a long time now, thanks to somebody." Noodle said smiling bitterly.

Murdoc snarled, he opened his mouth to say something but closed it again.

"Anyways I've been working on repairing Cyborg, she's almost done."

Noodle got up from the couch and went up to Murdoc.

"Are you joking, why are you fixing that….That thing?" She asked sounding repulsed.

The green skinned man smiled.

"Well darling yer t'e bastard who cut 'er head off."

"Mu'doc we don' need t'e stupid bot anymore." 2D said.

He could barely bring himself to look in the bass player's direction, he felt so disgusted by him.

"I still need a body guard, plus at least the robot didn't talk back to me like yew two."

"It's about time somebody talks back to you. I get it, you had a shit childhood and a shitty life and you're trying to act like you're past it, but do you have to act like this?"

Murdoc patted Noodle on the head.

"Luv I'm not acting"

He looked at 2D and for a second the look on his face shifted from smug to sort of sorry; he turned and left the room a moment later.

"I can't believe him" Noodle said shaking her head.

"It's gotten real bad, jus' keeps getting worse….I wish he'd get better, I don't mean normal; God I don' even t'ink I'd want Muds to be normal or anything but…."

"Like how he used to be?" Noodle asked helping the blue haired man with what he was trying to say.

2D gave a small smile and nodded in agreement with what she said.

"I miss it, I miss our home."

"Me too, but we can find a new home, and maybe when we have the money we can fix Kong."

"Yew've been through a lot, 'ow are yew still so positive?"

"I just am, though I really hate seeing you so sad. I've got a good idea of what's been going on, but I feel like I'm missing out on something."

2D looked away, he scratched at the back of his head.

"Er well….Muds would slaughter me if I told ya or anybody for t'at matter."

"Toochi he won't do a thing to you, I promise."

Noodle went back to the couch sitting down next to him. 2D could feel his heart beating faster at the thought of telling somebody what had been going on, at telling somebody he liked men, and telling somebody he was in love with a man who beat him shitless for years now, and everything. He knew she was like a sister to him, one of his closest friends, but he still felt ashamed of himself for all of this.

"It's okay"

"I-I'm….I'm in love with Mu'doc." He said it quickly then buried his face in his hands.

"Wow, I mean I know you've always been….I know you've always been close to him and even idolized him for awhile, but I didn't know that you loved him."

"Are yew mad at me?"

"No of course not, I'm just surprised that you're in love with him. Not completely surprised, but a little bit; does he know?"

2D placed his hands back on his lap.

"Yeah, he knows."

"How did he react?"

"He beat t'e hell outta me."

Noodle sighed.

"Sounds like what I'd expect, but it's still horrible."

"There's some other stuff too; before I told 'im how I feel we were kind of, er….We were kind of shagging, I don' even know 'ow it started…Like we had been fighting then we well y'know an' after that it just kept happening. I know it didn't mean anything to him, but I still kinda hoped an….Even after I tol' him 'ow I felt, we still kept doing it….He told me he was sorry 'bout everything, but he didn't care 'bout me or love me. Then before yew got 'ere he just kind of…I don't know wot happened, he just told me off completely."

Noodle placed her hand over 2D's.

"It's alright; maybe it's better now that you know."

"How?"

"Well when you didn't know it had to hurt like Hell, but now that you know that he doesn't care….Maybe you can get better and you can move on, not now but in the future."

2D nodded even if he didn't really understood or agree with what his friend was saying. He wanted Murdoc; he wanted to hear that the older man cared about him. When he had been younger it was enough that he cared about the older man with nothing positive in return, but now he wanted to feel something back.

"Please don' let him know I tol' yew all of this."

"I won't, I promise….Do yew t'ink there's a chance he might care about me?" The blue haired man asked hopefully.

"I don't know, I'm not saying either way. The way Murdoc acts lately it's hard to tell, maybe he does care and he's just scared of it. We both know what he's been through and how he is; it'd be hell to be him and care about another person. I'm not entirely sure that he knows how to."

"Yeah, thanks for listening to me. It's been so long since I've really gotten to talk to somebody, about anything."

"Anytime."


	22. Chapter 22

"Noodle do yew know w'ere Mu'doc is at?"

"I think he's in the studio, why?"

2D shrugged and looked away.

"I'm thinking 'bout talking to 'im, yew know 'bout wot happened."

He already felt nervous even before he did anything, he didn't even know what he was going to say. He had thought about it for a couple days now, thought about what he could say to him, and of course he went through what he wished the replies would be and then what the replies would really be. He knew Murdoc wouldn't want to talk to him, especially about feelings. He knew there wouldn't be a conversation about this; any talking would turn to yelling. 2D was so tired of the yelling, it was on the list of causes for his nearly daily migraines.

"Good luck, if he hurts you then I'll hurt him." The purple haired woman said smiling.

2D smiled nervously in return, he slowly left the room making his way to the studio room. The whole time he questioned what he was doing, when he stood at the door he questioned it even more. He could hear a bass playing on the other side of the door; the melody was actually pretty; it wasn't heavy like a lot of the stuff Murdoc tended to play when he was alone. With one last deep breath followed by a slow release of the held in air he opened the door and walked inside. Murdoc stopped playing when he heard the door click shut; he looked back over his shoulder then turned his attention back to his bass. 2D went over to where the older man was sitting on a metal folding chair; he sat down on the one across from him. For a moment he just watched the green skinned man playing his bass, the way his red eyes were intensely focused upon the demonic instrument. The same instrument Murdoc had broken during recording, sometimes from rage issues, and other times just because he was too wasted to play it.

"Mu'doc we need to talk."

"If it's 'bout wot I think it is, then no we don't need to talk."

"Yeah actually we do, we can't just ignore it."

Murdoc stopped playing and looked up meeting the younger man's eyes.

"Look 'ow 'bout yew go back to playing with yer little girlfriend out t'ere and leave me the fuck alone."

2D looked at him feeling confused.

"Wot?"

"Sod off"

He went back to playing.

"Damn it, we really need to talk. Why did yew say all t'at stuff to me?"

"because it's true."

"No it isn't, I know better than that."

He knew Murdoc didn't think much of him, but he didn't think that he hated him this much.

"Do ya now?"

He sat his bass down on the floor and looked up at the blue haired man.

"Yes, I mean I fink so….Yew always do stuff like t'at to 'urt me, I know yew didn't mean it."

"Yew know nothing about me, dullard."

"I've known yew most my life, yew didn't mean that stuff when yew broke up with me."

"Ah I didn't break up with ya, that means we were in a relationship, and all we did was shag."

"Fine, wotever….Just tell me the truth, I wanna know why yew just did that all of the sudden."

Murdoc looked away from him, the atmosphere in the room felt tense and a tad awkward. He couldn't tell from the look on the older man's face what he could be thinking about or what he could be feeling, if he was feeling anything at all. Maybe he was thinking up more insults, more lies, and more ways to make 2D hate himself, to hate him.

"There's no woman."

"Wot?"

Murdoc sighed heavily, he met 2D's eyes. He no longer looked cocky and confident he looked vulnerable and slightly scared.

"I didn't write Plastic Beach for a woman, there was no woman in the first place. I wrote Plastic Beach for yew, about yew; I love yew 2D."

He didn't know how to respond, he knew how he should respond. This wasn't right, he couldn't even believe Murdoc said any of it.

"Wot?"

"I'm in love with yew."

2D got up from his chair; he shook his head in denial of the statement.

"N-no yew don't love me, don't lie to me like that."

He felt scared, he felt hurt, and he felt angry. He had wanted to hear those words for so long now; he had wanted to hear those words the day he had told Murdoc that he was in love with him, but instead he had been beaten senseless.

"I do, I'm not lying to yew."

"I told yew, I told yew that I love yew an' wot did yew do? Yew beat me up; yew yelled at me and made me feel like crap. I can't believe yew, I don't believe yew; there is no way that yew know wot love is….Yer lying to me; new form of abuse right? Wot yew love me right now, maybe tomorrow or in a couple of months yew'll take it back and knock my teeth in. I don't want yew to love me, not when I can't even trust yew."

The look on the older man's face was…He looked heart broken, but almost like he expected this to happen. For a second he looked like he was ready to cry, 2D wanted to hug and console him. He didn't want to fall for this trap though, not again.

2D left the room slamming the door shut behind him, if he had stayed in there any longer he would have caved in. Would have apologized and told him how much he loved him and how he forgave him for every little hit of abuse. Noodle saw him enter the living room and was ready to ask him what happened, but 2D kept on walking. He didn't want to talk about it, he didn't want to think about it; he wanted to go down to his bedroom and take enough pills to knock him out for at least a day.


	23. Chapter 23

He had taken four of his pain killers and he still couldn't sleep. He just lay there on his bed listening to the whale going back and forth outside of his room; the beast was probably plotting how to murder him. He stared up at the ceiling, all of the cracks going along it like a spider's web. His eyes hurt, he didn't know why; maybe because he hadn't shut them for awhile, not even to blink. He felt hot, he felt uncomfortable, and his mind wouldn't stop running in circles. He couldn't stop thinking about what Murdoc had said to him. 2D felt like there was something missing from the honest confession; an apology or maybe a cruel joke hidden between the lines, but God his eyes. When the man was being earnest something shifted completely, he no longer looked aged and gnarled. He looked youthful, big emotion filled eyes, and such a vulnerable feeling to him. The way he had said it, it didn't sound like a joke or some bull shit line, it was a genuine confession.

2D smacked the palm of his hand against his own forehead. Idiot.

Why did he freak out, why didn't he just tell him that he loved him back? It wasn't like Murdoc really had to hear it, because he knew it. 2D had been telling him he loved him for years now; in the beginning as a brother, then as a friend, and finally as a boyfriend. A boyfriend he figured he would never have, but he just had the option to go to the place he had been sickly dreaming of for some time now. He turned it down; turned down the offer he wanted more than he wanted to leave this stupid prison like island. Wait maybe this was good, this could be what needed to be done. Murdoc couldn't just do that; go from cold and abusive to loving and vulnerable, telling 2D that he wanted him. He couldn't do that; he couldn't think doing that was alright, like 2D would forget about all of the bad things. No he wasn't going to let him get away with that, it wasn't like Murdoc would love him forever.

Plastic Beach; it had been written for him. He thought about that, pictured Murdoc sitting out on the balcony over looking the ocean, writing those songs. The songs that were romantic were sad; little hope could be found in them for the future. Maybe he had known years before now that 2D would turn him down, yell at him and reject him so fully. God this was Murdoc he was thinking about; Murdoc was shallow, he was a compulsive liar, a thief, and a murderer. This was the man who didn't dare speak an honest word about love; he couldn't even pretend to love. 2D knew how much it must have taken, how much fear he had to have felt to finally just tell 2D how he felt. Writing those songs must have been hard enough, but then to actually say something….

It still didn't make up for anything; it wasn't an apology, or even asking for forgiveness. Starting over, starting over forgetting all of the emotional and physical scars.

Forget all the bruises, broken bones, scars, scratches, and busted lips. For all the time they had been on this island they had fought; down and out fighting, the kind reserved for psychopaths and high school boys. How in Hell's name could so much hurt and hatred turn into love, a healthy one at that. It was impossible; it was moronic to think they could just start over, could they even start over?

"Dammit, just shut up." 2D whispered harshly, he sat up and placed his hands over his ears wishing he could silence his own usually quiet mind.

That's it, it wasn't like he could sleep. Not here anyways.

He got up and left his room; he hated this place at night, he feared the Boogieman or some other awful creature would be stalking the halls. His paranoia caused him to almost feel those glowing red eyes on him; he felt a chill go through him at the thought. He walked faster, feeling a wave of relief once he was inside of the lift. It wasn't until after he pressed the button that he realized where he was going; Murdoc's bedroom, the room of the man he just yelled at. This was a bad idea; he could just get out of the lift, wait a minute then go back in and go to another room. The doors opened, he stood for a moment then exited. He walked up to the door with the older man's name spray painted across it. Wait two minutes, turn back, and get inside the lift. That's all that he needed to do, just leave; forget about going into Murdoc's room.

His hand was on the handle; he turned it, and pushed the door open. Just turn around, go back to the lift, and maybe go outside for some semi fresh air.

2D walked into the dark bedroom; it looked like crap. In the left hand side of the room were piles of boxes filled with clothes, knives, vinyl records, and books. On the other side was an obscene collection of hats the bassist never wore, he always went on binges of collecting idiotic things he didn't need. In the middle of the room was the large bed, unlike the one Murdoc had had at Kong this one was actually clean….On second thought minus the clutter this entire mansion was actually clean, it was a scary thought.

He could still go back, but now he was here, and now he was moving closer to the bed. Now his eyes were fully adjusted to the near darkness; the only light coming from the stars and the moon outside. He looked down at the sleeping man; he looked pretty, better than that actually. His black fringe falling over his face, the lines in his skin weren't as violent, and he wasn't snarling or frowning. He just looked like a human, for one of the few times since coming here 2D actually saw Murdoc as a human.

"Mu'doc, 'ey wake up."

The older man grunted, he shifted then settled again.

"Mudz wake up."

Murdoc opened his eyes and looked up at the singer.

"Wot is it 'D?"

"C-can I sleep in 'ere, I don' really wan' to sleep in my room."

"Fine, get in."

2D lay down on the bed curling up against the older man. Murdoc wrapped his arms around 2D's midsection holding the singer close. He could forget for just a little bit, obviously Murdoc was already pretending nothing had happened earlier today. At least he was trying to pretend that 2D hadn't rejected him, hurt him; maybe it didn't matter. 2D closed his eyes, he wanted to stop thinking. For now he just wanted to enjoy feeling the older man holding him like this, his hot breath against his skin. He just wanted to pretend they were normal, just for a little bit.


	24. Chapter 24

2D was relieved that he had woken up before Murdoc; he carefully slipped out of the bed and quickly exited the room. He went to the lift and pushed the button for it to take him up to the main floor; if he was very lucky then Noodle would still be sleeping.

Sadly he wasn't a very lucky man.

The moment he stepped out of the lift Noodle jumped up from the couch and ran up to him.

"What happened, I saw you run through here yesterday?"

2D walked past her and into the small kitchen. He sat down on one of the bar stools at the counter; he tangled his fingers in his blue hair and pulled.

"Nothing, nothing happened"

It was sort of true; nothing really had happened, other than Murdoc finally telling him the one thing he had wanted to hear from him for years now. Other than 2D screaming at him, telling him to just leave him the hell along, and nearly making him cry. Then of course the nothing that was 2D sneaking up to Murdoc's room and sleeping with him, falling asleep in his arms, and wondering how in God's name he could hurt him and then the older man allowed him in his bed.

"Toochi?" Noodle asked her voice sounding soft and concerned.

He looked up at her and feigned a smile.

"It's nothing, really I'm a'right luv."

He could tell she wasn't buying it, the way her green eyes looked at him. She shrugged and went to the freezer.

"Is there any food here, that isn't rotted?"

"Not t'e last time I checked, we got that Jellyfish junk though."

"What?"

"I don't know, just some crap food Mudz found 'round here real cheap."

"At least it's something." Noodle said pulling a white box from the freezer.

She sat it on the counter; 2D looked down at the medium sized box. He had been eating this stuff for years now; he still could hardly stomach it. He remembered when they had finally started touring, how relieved they had been to eat real food. He nearly laughed at Noodle's grossed out reaction when she opened the box revealing the squishy little creatures inside. She picked one up out of the box; the thing was almost like a blob with tentacles and two black eyes.

"Are you kidding me?"

2D shook his head and grinned.

"Nope, yew gotta get 'ow we don't eat; the stuff taste horrible, usually we 'ave to be really drunk to even think 'bout eating it."

"I can't blame you, is it better raw or heated up?"

"Er I'd say raw, when ya heat it up it just taste like a tire."

Noodle dropped it back inside the box.

"Do you have any cigarettes?"

"Yeah, why?"

"I'll just smoke for breakfast."

2D took the pack out of his pocket and handed it to her. She took one out then handed the box back to him; 2D took out one for himself before shoving the container back inside of his pocket. Noodle pulled a bic lighter from one of the pockets on her dress; she lit her cigarette then his. He really didn't approve of her smoking; she used to bug them so much about how damaging cigarettes were. She would even go so far as to hide their smokes from them just to convince them to quit.

"When did yew start smoking?"

"About a year ago, I know it's hypocritical of me isn't it?" She asked smiling sadly.

"We're all hypocrites aren't we?"

"Do you want to tell me what happened with Murdoc yesterday?"

2D took a long drag from his cigarette, held the smoke in, and then slowly let it out.

"He told me that he wrote Plastic Beach 'bout me an' that he's in love with me."

"Isn't that what you wanted?"

"Y-yeah it is, but….I don't know I freaked out; I yelled at him an' told him off. I thought he'd get angry for me doing that, but he jus' looked real hurt an' like he was gonna cry. I feel like crap 'cause of it, I love 'im, but…"

"You're scared?"

2D nodded.

"Yeah, I'm scared that he'll just change his mind like last time. He'll go from being real nice an' everything will be a'right, but out of nowhere he'll be hitting me an' telling me I'm worthless all over again. I can't go through that again Noodle."

"It's okay 2D, there's nothing wrong with not knowing if you want to be with him or not. I hate defending him, but we both know it takes a lot for him to admit to anything."

It was true; Murdoc rarely apologized unless he was absolutely forced into doing so, to tell somebody that he was honestly in love with them had to be like pulling teeth.

The lift doors opened, Murdoc stepped out. He looked at the two of them; he looked at 2D for the longest time before turning and leaving, going out to the balcony.

"Should I talk to 'im?"

"I'm not telling you that you have to, but it'd kill the creepy tension."

2D got up and slowly made his way out to join the older man. Murdoc was leaning against the metal railing staring out at the ocean, 2D stood next to him.

"Why did yew wanna sleep in my room last night?"

"I couldn' sleep, I didn' want to sleep alone."

Murdoc nodded.

"I'm sorry 'bout yesterday, I didn't mean wot I said to yew."

"Don't apologize, I know that yew meant wot yew said; yew were right, I've treated yew like shit. Especially lately, yew had every right to say that to me."

"I'm still sorry."

"It's a'right; I should apologize to yew, I didn't mean to tell yew…I don't know I'm sorry for being such a bastard to yew. It just sucks being 'ere all alone an' I thought if I came out 'ere that I'd stop thinking 'bout yew. I wrote those songs an' hoped that'd make it stop….I shouldn' be in love with yew."

2D looked at him, confused.

"Why not?"

"Yer mortal, I'm not."

"So, wot difference does that make?"

"I don't want to watch yew die, bad enough yew almost died once. I didn' even really think about it too much until yew went and tried to off yerself. That scared the Hell outta me, I don't want to go through that again."

"I'm not gonna try it again though, I promise."

Murdoc shook his head, 2D could see by the look in his eyes that he was scared. He wasn't sure if the older man was more scared by the idea of 2D's mortality or if he was scared that he was in love.

"Yew will die, eventually; maybe not tomorrow or next week, but it'll happen eventually. I don't want to go through that, I can't."

"Then why did yew tell me that yew love me?"

Murdoc shrugged.

"I felt I owed it to ya, I really do love yew Stu. I'm sorry 'bout everything."

"I want to be with yew, I don't care who out lives who. Wouldn't yew rather be a little happy than be alone and miserable forever?"

The older man looked at him then back out at the ocean.

"I guess we can give it a try, I'll do my best to make it up to yew." He said looking in the singer's direction; he gave him a small smile.

2D placed his hand over the older man's.

"I like that, I love yew Mudz."

"I love yew too."

2D rested his head on the older man's shoulder. They stood there looking out at the ocean together; he didn't even care anymore if they stayed on this island forever. He had all of his friends, his family back with him, and he finally had Murdoc. He was still angry about what had happened, all of the pain, and torment but he could forgive him over time. The only thing that mattered right now was the peaceful feeling that he had right now, the feeling of being loved.

The End.


End file.
